Should You Ask, "How Do I Look?"

I spent hours preparing for this night. I bought and returned multiple dresses for the occasion because one was too small, one was too big, one didn't look right. I didn't have time to go shopping to try on dresses, so I ordered them all online and sent back all but one. The gown I finally decided to wear arrived from Amazon a few hours before the event, but it was two inches too long, so my 9-year-old and I labored an hour hemming it by hand. It was 4 pm, and my dress was ready. It fit, it was the right length, it was the right style, and most importantly, it didn't make me look fat (at least when I sucked in).

The next hour I focused on my hair: curling, rolling, twisting, pinning, spraying, re-pinning, re-twisting, re-spraying it until it looked like the perfect updo to go along with my elegant gown. Next I had to dust off my makeup because this was a formal occasion with a fancy dress and a pretty hairstyle. At least some eyeliner, mascara, bright red lipstick, and blush would match the outfit and hair! Lastly, I put on my lotion, perfume, body spray, accessories and found a nicer-than-usual purse to carry.

My husband noticed that I looked nice, so we carried on and went to the ball. We had a great time and the night was over all too soon. But on our way home, I took the opportunity to ask my husband again how I looked. Why do women feel the need to ask our husbands how we look? It's not that I doubted myself. It's not that I felt fat. It is simply because when women make the effort to look amazing, we like to be noticed by the special man in our lives.

This is a vain post, but it is something that we as women deal with all the time! Sometimes women just get tired of trying so hard. Why do I exercise every free moment I get? Why did I buy a new dress? Why did I spent too much time doing my hair and makeup? Why do we suck in for our selfies? Why do we keep our lips hydrated? Why do we keep our feet moisturized?

Usually I have a resolution by the end of my posts. The only Bible verse that comes to mind is: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30). So maybe next time we should spend all those hours reading our Bible studies and praying and doing mission projects. That matters more in the long run and likely will make us happier. But I think that even God understands that women need affirmation when we work so hard to be attractive.

What Is My Purpose and Calling?

What is the passion deep inside you? What is driving you? When you finally get a free moment and your kids are asleep, what is your dream? It may be as simple and glorious as being a better mom. Or it may be as grand and long-term as starting and growing your own business. It may be as Christlike as becoming a full-time missionary. Or it may be just to pay the bills and try to get out of debt.

God has a calling for you and a purpose--a great purpose for how He wants to use you to help others, bless others, love others. God sees the big picture, even though we rarely do. We often only see today and here and now. We see the circumstance, the struggle, the battle, the frustration. But God knows how He plans to turn every difficulty in your life into victory and ministry.

Consider David and Goliath. If David looked at Goliath from a worldly perspective, he would never have volunteered to fight against him. He would have feared Goliath just like the rest of the Israelite soldiers did. But David knew the power of God; he had experienced God's victory over giants in the past. As a shepherd, he had to fight off or kill lions or any other beasts that tried to attack his sheep. So David had confidence in the power of God and in the power he had received from God to be skilled with a slingshot.

God is all-powerful, but He also empowers us! So how has God empowered you and prepared you for your current calling? Spend some time listening to God today because He wants to show you how to work together with His Holy Spirit to strengthen and grow His Kingdom on this earth.

There are two things inhibiting your victory and ministry. Apathy and fear. Apathy presents itself in not taking the time to seek Christ, being so busy that you don't have time for Christ, or focusing so much on yourself and your day-to-day struggles that you forget that the Spirit of Jesus Christ is living and active in and around you. Fear is demonstrated first in your mind--the worries, the concerns, the paralysis, the depression, the false thoughts you feed on. These thoughts produce inaction. You may feel the Spirit nudging you to do something, but you fear doing so for one or many reasons.

Satan is tempting you to:
1.   Focus on yourself.
2.   Think this life is only about the here and now.
3.   Forget about heaven and eternity.
4.   Give up on _______ (fill in the blank).
5.   Spend excessive time on things that don't really matter.
6.   Be discouraged.
7.   Doubt the power and faithfulness of God.
8.   Depend on __________ (someone or something) instead of depending on God.
9.   Be lukewarm; half-devoted to God.
10. Downplay the importance of your ministry to your own family.

God wants you to know:
1.   He loves you so incredibly much! Nothing can or ever will change that--not even you.
2.   He has a purpose for your life. He will help you find it, but you have to seek Him to figure out what it is and how to fulfill it.
3.   God's calling for your life is bigger than you. He is reaching the whole world. So don't stop small if God is telling you to do something big for His Kingdom!
4.   God's calling for your life may be smaller than you realize. You may be in a stage of life where you have to stay home. So how does God want to use your gifts at home with your family or maybe through the internet? Not everyone is Billy Graham. Someone had to be his mom.
5.   Jesus was always in ministry or prayer. He prayed up so he was ready for the ministry. He was constantly seeking the will of God and walking in obedience to it.
6.  God wants you to look deeper. Of course life happens and you naturally get caught up in focusing on temporary things like floors and cars and jobs and extracurricular activities. But is there something deeper you need to share with someone--your child, your neighbor, your spouse, your co-worker? We have the good news of eternal life through Jesus Christ! Share it!!
7.   He is always good, and He is always with you. He will never let you down. Though the whole world may fail you and leave you hopeless and alone, God will never abandon you.
8.   Jesus died to take away your sins and to provide healing and hope.
9.   Jesus rose from the dead on the third day after he was crucified, and the same power that gave Him victory over death is available to you today!
10. God wants to empower you to look outside of yourself and to reach out to someone today and every day. Make that phone call. Write that note/email/text. Go and knock on that door. Be intentional about doing something to show the love of Christ every day.

When the Valley is Dark

Photo: Riksarkivet (National Archives of Norway)

When the valley is dark, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, are by my side.
When the valley is deep, when the valley is long,
When the valley is hard, and I don't feel strong,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, are by my side.

When the desert is dry, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, you will provide.
When the desert is hot, when the desert is long,
When the desert is parched, and I can't go on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, you will provide.

When the mountain is steep, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, will be my strength.
When the mountain is high, when the mountain is long,
When the mountain is hard, and I can't climb on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, will be my strength.

When the journey is far, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, will light the way.
When the journey is hard, when the journey is long,
When the journey is dark, and I can't carry on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, will light the way.

-By Liz Navarrete

Kids Acting Up in Public

Photo by Mary Decrescenzio

When you go out in public and your kids won't listen and are acting up, what do you do to get them to stop?

First, there is no easy answer to this question because as parents, we all go through times like this. My most recent example is when I take 2-3 kids to the grocery store (today I took my younger 3 to Publix to buy my groceries for the week). The whole way to the store, I review my grocery store rules with them. 3 simple rules: 1. Do not scream. 2. Do not make anyone scream.  3. Do not ask me for anything. They repeat the rules to me several times so that I can make sure they know them very well. And throughout the store, they repeat them, especially any that they are forgetting to keep. I gave them each one tic tac when we got there as a motivator to follow the rules in order to earn another one at the end of the shopping trip. I try to keep those trips as short as possible. If I need extra things or I have to really check labels or order something that will take too much time, I plan those for another time without the kids or without as many of them.

There are times when even the well-behaved, compliant children are difficult and defiant. That is obviously because we are all sinners. Our kids aren't any worse sinners than we adults are. We all make mistakes and we all need parenting. Our kids get it from us, and we adults get it from our Heavenly Father, if we seek Him and take the time to receive and learn from the discipline He gives us. So when the kids are being difficult, do they need more rules or more grace? It depends on the situation. It is ok to say no to some activities that you or your kids want to do because of the season of life you are in. I regularly have to say no to women's ministry events at church on weeknights because getting home late puts way too much stress on my life and therefore on my kids' lives as well. Or socially, I rarely go out alone with friends because I have prioritized my marriage and family.

Practically speaking, if I know I don't have enough money to take the kids to the zoo or the fair or Carowinds, etc, I don't take them. I only plan outings and trips if I can afford to enjoy them, including buying the kids an ice cream or slush, etc. That is part of the fun of going places--to be able to buy some fun foods or a toy while being there. All kids will get upset if they are out somewhere fun and they see everyone else enjoying cotton candy or a glow stick or a balloon or a fidget spinner and mom/dad keep saying they can't buy anything. In that case, I would more likely keep my kids at home or do something we can afford that is low-cost like getting a Frosty from Wendy's or a play date at Chick-Fil-A or going to the park or library. There are times we have even left the library because they would not stay quiet or be obedient. I am not afraid to change my plans based on their bad behavior unless it is a plan that is impossible to change.

There are times when I have changed my mind about going somewhere fun with the kids because they were acting up in the car. I don't make threats that I fail to carry out. If I say: "if you scream one more time, we will not go to Chick-Fil-A," then if they keep screaming, I turn around and drive home and explain why. I have left Hobby Lobby and driven all the way home with one of my kids and left them at home with my husband and then returned to Hobby Lobby alone to continue my shopping trip. And there are times when I took the child to the bathroom to give a spanking or a timeout.

Discipline takes a lot of time and work. We cannot expect our kids to parent themselves. They are our children, given to us by God, and God wants us to take the time to actually parent them--not to just put a phone or tablet in front of their faces. I am very guilty of getting frustrated with my kids when they seem to need so much from me or when I have to take extra time to correct them. But that is my job as their mom! It is the highest calling of my life. Every moment we spend investing in our kids is living for the Kingdom of God! God wants us to raise our kids to know Him and to love Him, and that means we have to be investing time in disciplining and correcting and loving our little ones.

The bottom line of disciplining our kids is not a list of rules. It is showing them the heart of God and the grace of God. Rules and punishment do not create compliant kids. And enforcing rules and punishments does not create a pleasant parent either. After I have to discipline one of my kids, I try to take the time to talk through what happened and why. I may have to wait until we all calm down, but then I give hugs and explain that we all are sinners and we all need God's help and God's forgiveness and God's grace. God loves our kids. And we love them. That is why we discipline them. We need to be patient with them like God is patient with us. I am not naturally patient, and I do not have this figured out, but with God's help, we can all improve.

Diary of a Moody Mom

Photo: R. Navarrete

Why am I so moody? Before I became a mom, I was normal—at least I felt normal. I got sleep, for one thing. I actually talked to my husband during dinner.  I read books! I had hobbies. I walked the dog…every day…or twice a day. I had time to watch American Idol…live at 8:00. So what happened in the past 9 years?

Baby Number One

It all started with one baby. It was pretty manageable except it took me 30 minutes to load up the car with the baby, diaper bag, two bottles, pack n play, stroller, seat cover for the grocery cart, extra pacifiers, favorite toys, and actually the entire kitchen.  My first baby got my attention…ALL my attention. I wanted to give it to him, and I had the time to give it. He was my world. If I needed a shower, he was in the bouncer chair in my bathroom. If I needed to cook, he was in the high chair with me in the kitchen. If I needed to spend the day going broke in Target, Kohl's, and Hobby Lobby, he was there in the shopping cart, munching on goldfish or playing with the 5 new toys that my husband had bought for him in the past 5 days…because how can you stop in Walgreen's and not buy a toy for your new baby?!!

I mean—I was not that moody back then. I was a little obsessed with bragging about my baby and reading baby books and taking baby pictures and making baby scrapbooks and painting nursery art and making keepsakes of every first in his life, but I was still normal—at least I still felt like me.  I see why some people stop at one. Life is still pretty normal with one child. You can still go out to eat. You can still talk at dinner with minimal interruptions. You can still shop and go on trips and pretty much do everything you used to do. It takes a bit longer to load up, but with careful planning as all first-time moms do, you can still get to church on time and make it to all your friends' kids' first birthday parties. You can still go on vacation because the baby can sleep in a crib in the hotel room, and you have not spent all your vacation funds on field trips and new kids' clothes and new kids' shoes and piano lessons.

To be continued...

Breaking the Sugar Addiction

I have a sweet tooth. I love sugar and anything with sugar--especially chocolate...and ice cream..and chocolate ice cream with chocolate candy stirred in and chocolate syrup on top. So it has not been natural or easy for me to give up sugar. Normally, I try not to keep it in the house because I will eat it all before anyone else gets a chance. But if it is ever nearby, I always indulge.

Recently, after several months of gaining a few pounds and my pants fitting too snug, I decided to give up sweets. It is Halloween week, but as of 9 days ago, I have eaten no candy, brownies, ice cream, or even granola bars. This is something I have never done before or even attempted. But with God's supernatural help, I have succeeded so far. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). It has been especially difficult because my husband's birthday was last week, so I made him brownies, and we had a Trunk or Treat at church, so our house is full of candy--even the good stuff like Snickers and Almond Joy.

The physical results so far have been better than I expected! I have lost a total of 3 pounds and almost one inch. Overall, I have not felt too tempted by the brownies and candy that are still in my house, thanks to me not gobbling them up in one day. Grumpiness has not been more of a factor than usual, which is a surprise considering the chocolate withdrawal. I would not say I have more energy but maybe less, but possibly that is related to an increase of seasonal allergies and a sore throat. One of my physical motivators is curiosity to see what the results will be if I stick to it for a month or two or longer.

The greatest emotional benefit has been feeling free. Usually I felt I could not resist eating sweets and I would eat more and more whenever it was available. But now, even though it looks good, it feels better to know that the decision is already made that I will not have it. And that leads to me not having my brain telling me how it tasted good and how I need a second, third, or tenth Hershey's Kiss. Instead, I have munched on salty snacks, which I rarely overeat because I really don't like them nearly as much as sugar. And for breakfasts, instead of two granola bars, I am eating 2 egg whites and a piece of fruit.

Spiritually, giving up sweets has given me the necessity to pray more, trust God more, rely on His help, and practice self-control. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). I pray that learning self-control in one area of life will carry over to others as well. Please feel free to join me on this journey, as it is easier with accountability!

Peace at Home: Is It Possible?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

"My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest" (Isaiah 32:18). When the Lord gave me this verse the other night, it was obviously what I needed because I have not been feeling very peaceful lately. If you are a busy mom like me, you understand that peace on earth through the coming of Christ is far from your current December calendar, which has left little room for peaceful anything. And the more you have on your calendar, the more stressed you get. And the more stressed you get, the more irritable you become. And the more irritable you become, the more you yell at your kids and maybe even at your husband. Sometimes you wonder is peace possible in my home and within my heart? If I'm not at peace within my heart, then how can I exude peacefulness in my home and family?

Peace is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. So since I am filled with the Holy Spirit, then there should be some peaceful fruit in my life. As I thought about the Scripture from Isaiah 32:18, it is clear that God gives the peace, the security, and the rest. It is basically a promise: "My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest." The promise comes from God and is kept by God--for those of us who are His people. He gave the promise to His people, and He always keeps His promises to His people! 

He promises to help us live in a peaceful dwelling place. So if I am seeking peace within myself, that is the wrong place to look. And if I am seeking peace from any other human, that is the wrong place to look. And if I am seeking peace from a circumstance, that will also fail to provide the peace I seek. God is the only Source and Provider of a peaceful dwelling place. 

He promises to give us a secure home. This security cannot come from anything/anyone other than God Himself. We as women want security, and we hate our insecurities. But maybe we have been seeking security everywhere else except in the arms of Jesus. No wonder we have been disappointed when all along God keeps calling us to reach out to Him instead of grasping at everything else around us. 

He promises to give us undisturbed places of rest. Doesn't that sound amazing?--undisturbed rest? Obviously we cannot get undisturbed rest apart from God. Even if we are resting, we wrestle with our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We can be honest with God--He can take our raw and honest cries. As long as we hold onto everything, we cannot rest. The only place to find rest is to surrender our worries, illnesses, shortcomings, tragedies, and struggles to our Heavenly Father, who loves us. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).