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| Photo: Nationaal Archief/Spaarnestad/Kees Jansen |
Do you know any firstborn children that are laid back? Or do you know any youngest children that are not? My own kids follow the typical birth order personalities perfectly. The oldest is in charge. The second is relaxed. The next is my "middle child." And the baby is just trying to keep up with the bunch. Why do oldest kids have first child syndrome? Because loving and clueless mommies, daddies and grannies give them a bit too much attention and affection for the first few years of life. And why are youngest children laid back? Because, by default, they never get the attention the first child did.
We created a child that did not eat well because when he was a baby, we were strict about him eating only healthy food. And we were by-the-book about teaching him to feed himself. So between 1-2 years old, he stopped eating meat. Everything we did reinforced that because we gave him more fruit, more milk, more yogurt, and he learned that he did not have to try different tastes or textures. At first, we thought it was ok to bring hummus to cookouts and pot lucks because at least he was eating healthy protein. But a tasty hot dog? Not a chance! And chicken with rice? Not a bite. Think about the foods that are served at a church pot luck. Could I find anything on the 100-platter table that my 2-year-old would actually eat? And then, of course, you get the stares and questions from 80-year-old Aunt Ingrid about why your baby is not eating her sweet potato pie or the mashed potatoes, corn and ham.
I remember getting mad at people for asking to hold my first baby. "How dare they?!! Don't they know that he can get sick?" And date night? "Let's just bring the baby; he won't interrupt our conversation." By the last child, you are pretty much handing your baby to anyone who has a free hand, whether they ask or not (no question of whether their hands have been sanitized). I wonder if youngest children actually get sick more since they are clearly exposed to more germs. And if the pacifier falls on the floor? The firstborn baby gets a different, sanitized one. The last baby is lucky if it is even rinsed.
As for middle child syndrome, they will fight for attention because they likely do not get enough of it. Usually their negative behavior gains mom's attention, but instead of hugs and kisses, they get reprimands and timeouts. Since birth order is not their choice, wait until they are really happy, take a minute, and give an extra hug to your middle children today.
By the last child, not only have you learned from your mistakes, but you are so busy that the youngest has to keep up, pick up, speak up, eat up or will get nothing. These are good traits for us all to learn. Don't complain about what you are served for supper. Eat what is on your plate, or be hungry. Learn to play alone. Be happy playing in your room. Don't ask mommy to play with you all the time. Don't be demanding. Don't be selfish. Don't act like a spoiled brat. If we treated all our kids like youngest kids, they would learn self-sufficiency much sooner. How old was your oldest when he actually played happily by himself? Did he/she even have the opportunity to learn this important life skill? And the youngest? The baby learned this skill in infancy and will carry it throughout adulthood.
Mom's Advice to New Parents:
1. If you are a first time parent, try to relax! Stop reading so many parenting books, and stop trying to do everything the books say.
2. Give your baby the chance to play alone in his playpen or crib (at times).
3. Let people hold your baby. Let them help you. Enjoy dinner while they do.
4. Being unreasonably overprotective with your baby will lead to the baby having more separation anxiety at age 1.
