After A Long Day

Photo: R. Navarrete

You woke up this morning with high hopes for a super parenting day! You prayed for your children while you got yourself looking as professional as possible in the five minutes you allotted yourself for grooming. You told yourself that you would be calm all day and keep your cool no matter what would happen in the next sixteen hours. You lovingly (but quickly) toasted their bread for bologna sandwiches in their lunch boxes and even wrapped them in extra paper towels so as not to dry out! You hurried out the door just in time to get the kids to school at 7:39 and to barely make it into the office at 7:59.

By mid-afternoon, things were going smoothly for you as a super parent! Your kids were home safely from school, and you were all laughing together and playing Marco Polo on the trampoline. You had to sneak back inside, which gave you a few moments to read your devotional for the day before naptime for the baby would be over.

But then your strong-willed child starts being disobedient to everything you say, and you realize it is 5:00. And the dark hours have begun (cue the Darth Vader theme song). In reality it's just one or two hours before Daddy comes home and a few hours before your angels in disguise will become sleeping angels. But during this hour, minutes feel like days. Did you text your husband already? Or is it too early to see when he is coming home?

While a few of the kids are in their rooms because they can't seem to get along, you run downstairs to fix a simple supper: home fries, garden salad, and butterfly shrimp (special request from your 7-year-old). You don't really have to cook anything--just prep it and throw it in the oven and wait. Meanwhile, chop your veggies and toss them in the salad bowls. Oh--and grill some more veggies to add to your salad because you only eat salads these days... The home fries look and smell amazing, but once they are done and you start taste testing them, they clearly are way too spicy for any kid to eat. You must have over-poured your Cajun seasoned salt.

For the third time, you try to round up the cattle because it is suppertime! The shrimp and salad go over well, but the potatoes remain untouched. No worries--your kids are full and happy and off to the trampoline again! While you try to clean up the kitchen, your son keeps motioning from outside for you to come and see something. By the time you make it out there, all the kids are off the trampoline and walking around the patio where the light fixture just broke by an accidental flying futbol. There is glass everywhere! The kids cry when you put them inside, but you have to clean up the glass before someone gets cut, right?

As soon as the glass is cleaned up, you go inside and your oldest tells you that the girls are putting stuff down the bathroom sink drain. Didn't you just tell them before supper that they cannot give baths to all their baby dolls in the bathroom sink? You hurry upstairs to find the remains of a toilet paper roll stuffed into the bathroom sink drain. Water is everywhere. Towels are everywhere. Wash cloths are everywhere. Wet unicorns and bears are everywhere. How did the kids even reach the wash cloths in the linen closet? What do you do? Put everyone in a separate room so you can focus on removing the cardboard from the drain and drying out the electronics from your baby's favorite stuffed bear that sings her to sleep at night.

Once your babies are in bed, you sit down for the first time all day and check your Fit Bit: 15,000 steps. The verse that comes to mind is: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). Everything you do for and with your kids may go unnoticed and unappreciated for a time, but God sees all that you do, and He rewards and blesses you for it. Do not give up, but keep planting those seeds in your children. Someday you will reap the harvest!

Why Stop at 1 or 2 Kids?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

Most American families have only 1-2 kids nowadays. Once people find out I am pregnant with Baby #5, I hear comments such as:

-Why so many kids?

-Are you Catholic? Or Mormon?

-Don't you know how this happens?

-Are you done yet?

-Boy, your hands are really full.

-Wow! I could never handle that.

I have heard comments like these since I was pregnant with my third child, as if there is something wrong with having more than 1-2 children. So why have a large family?

1. We were unable to get pregnant the first time and tried for about a year and a half. During that time we prayed that God would bless us with children. And now, 8 years later, I am about to have a fifth baby.

2. Children are a blessing from God. The Bible says: 

"Be fruitful and multiply." (Genesis 1:28). 

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:4-5). 

"Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3). 

"Jesus said, let the little children come unto me and do not hinder them." (Matthew 19:14). 

"You created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:13-14).

3. Life with many children is adventurous and rewarding. You never know what fun each day may bring. For example, today we made popcorn and hot cocoa, played Dominoes, watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," and ate pizza for supper. And now, at 10 pm, my 4-year-old is still wide awake in her bed. One of my kids has missed her first week of school after Christmas break because she has had a fever for 5 days. My 20-month-old now sings "Jesus Loves Me" in English and Spanish with me at bedtime. Some days there are 6-8 kids here at our house all playing and entertaining each other.

4. Having a lot of children is a test of character, and it will help to develop patience, selflessness, perseverance, and faith. But is it really harder to raise 3+ kids? Sometimes it is harder with more kids because there is more to do and manage. But the more kids there are, the more they play together. And, like the Luvs commercial shows, experienced moms simplify things and streamline processes such as preparing lunches, loading up the car, and adjusting bedtime routines. Believe me, it is quite stressful at times, so I need a lot of prayer, support, encouragement, advice, and help from family. But if I can do it, anyone can. My husband is a patient and laid back person, so he does not get overwhelmed by multiple screaming/crying children at the same time. And while I am not so relaxed, I cope with the difficult moments with a brief "Help me, Lord!" or a bite of chocolate or a quick game of Tetris.

Don't Let the Dog Out and Magic Markers

Cecil Stoughton's White House Photos

It was a low-stress Friday afternoon. On Fridays, I don't have to cook, so I was relaxing and the kids were playing. Then I suggested that Caleb invite the neighbor over to play so he could have more boy time. Little did I know that was the end of my low-stress afternoon.

Before I talk about what happened next, let's divert to the dog. Sam is our faithful, 11-year-old beagle that just underwent surgery last week. He had his spleen removed plus a massive tumor that was over two pounds and larger than a grapefruit. So he has a cone on his head until the incision heals. The vet's instructions are to keep Sam on bed rest.

Back to Friday afternoon: Caleb brought Eric over to play, but while they were entering the front door, the screen door did not quite close, so Sam ran over and tried to squeeze through. I screamed for Caleb and Eric to stop him, but they could not, so I reached for his tail and ended up on my knees in the doorway. Sam ran straight into the street, almost getting hit by a silver Honda, of which the driver stopped afterwards to wave and apologize. He saw me on my knees on the front porch, screaming at the boys for letting Sam out (I am 13 weeks pregnant, by the way). One other thing: at that same moment the boys were walking in, I was calling my husband, so he heard the whole 45 seconds of chaos.

While Sam was roaming the neighborhood with his cone, stitches, and all, I moved the car from the garage to the driveway so the boys could have more space to play in the garage. When I came back into the dining room, I noticed pink circles all over the wall, and Emma was standing there. "When did you do this, Emma?!!!!" "Right now, Mommy."  "What marker did you use, Emma?!!!" "Gaby's magic marker." So of course I made her "clean it up," which is impossible because it is permanent marker. 

After that, 3 more neighbors came to play, Sam came home, Sam ran away again, I cooked pancakes because my husband worked later than expected, we tried to take five kids to the football game, the football game ticket stand did not take debit cards, so we finally ended up with five kids at Krispy Kreme at 8:00 pm. 

Advice for Overwhelmed Moms:

My only advice is if you are an overwhelmed mom, you are not alone. That may or may not help you in the chaotic moments, but later on, when the kids are sleeping, call a friend that also has a large family, and you can laugh (or cry) about it together. We are not meant to face all of this alone. God is with you. Your family and friends are with you. Just reach out and share your story.

Car Trouble and Miracle

Photo: Missouri State Archives

Yes, I am a soccer mom. And yes, I drive a blue minivan with the family stickers on the back. When you have four children that need car seats, car breakdowns are inconvenient, to put it nicely.

About a month ago, I got into my soccer van to drive home from work. As I was listening to music, I noticed a car nearby was pretty loud, so I looked around to find the culprit. Turns out it was me! I could only drive 25 miles per hour or the engine strained and the RPM's shot up. So I drove it super slowly the whole 30 minutes to a mechanic near my house, thinking that I could walk home if needed. The mechanic tested it and told me to take it to a transmission shop and to not drive it.

Since I was close to home, I parked it in my garage and started calling local transmission shops. Johnson Transmission in Lugoff had been recommended, so I called, but they were full that week and the next week they would be closed for the holiday. Thinking I needed the car fixed immediately, I found a reputable shop in Columbia called Donahue's. So I had the car towed there because I was told not to drive it. They diagnosed it as needing a transmission for the small fee of $4100.

Then I really started making some calls and got quotes from at least five transmission specialists, with quotes ranging from $2000 to $6000. By then, Johnson Transmission was open after the holiday, so I spoke to them a few times, faxed them the diagnostics from Donahue's, and had my car towed there. They said they would start working on it the next week. Mid-morning on Monday, they called me to say the car is running fine and every time they test drive it, there are no transmission problems!

That brings me to 2:00 today. I drove my mom's car to work, and after work, I drove it to Johnson's. I test drove my van with Mr. Johnson, and it ran perfectly, so I drove the van home. There I picked up mom and the kids and headed back to Johnson's to get mom's car. I came back home to realize that my house keys are inside the house, where they have been for the past month. I drove to get a key from my husband and finally made it home around 5 pm.

I don't know anything about cars or transmissions, but the fact that my car is running great and cost nothing to repair is truly a miracle!

Mom's Advice for Moms:
1. Don't rush into an expensive car fix.
2. Get several quotes before deciding on a car mechanic!
3. It's ok to stay home every afternoon for the next month with no transportation. You may enjoy it!
4. God still does miracles!

First vs. Last Baby: Birth Order Personalities and Picky Eaters

Photo: Nationaal Archief/Spaarnestad/Kees Jansen

Do you know any firstborn children that are laid back? Or do you know any youngest children that are not? My own kids follow the typical birth order personalities perfectly. The oldest is in charge. The second is relaxed. The next is my "middle child." And the baby is just trying to keep up with the bunch. Why do oldest kids have first child syndrome? Because loving and clueless mommies, daddies and grannies give them a bit too much attention and affection for the first few years of life. And why are youngest children laid back? Because, by default, they never get the attention the first child did.

We created a child that did not eat well because when he was a baby, we were strict about him eating only healthy food. And we were by-the-book about teaching him to feed himself. So between 1-2 years old, he stopped eating meat. Everything we did reinforced that because we gave him more fruit, more milk, more yogurt, and he learned that he did not have to try different tastes or textures. At first, we thought it was ok to bring hummus to cookouts and pot lucks because at least he was eating healthy protein. But a tasty hot dog? Not a chance! And chicken with rice? Not a bite. Think about the foods that are served at a church pot luck. Could I find anything on the 100-platter table that my 2-year-old would actually eat? And then, of course, you get the stares and questions from 80-year-old Aunt Ingrid about why your baby is not eating her sweet potato pie or the mashed potatoes, corn and ham.

I remember getting mad at people for asking to hold my first baby. "How dare they?!! Don't they know that he can get sick?" And date night? "Let's just bring the baby; he won't interrupt our conversation." By the last child, you are pretty much handing your baby to anyone who has a free hand, whether they ask or not (no question of whether their hands have been sanitized). I wonder if youngest children actually get sick more since they are clearly exposed to more germs. And if the pacifier falls on the floor? The firstborn baby gets a different, sanitized one. The last baby is lucky if it is even rinsed.

As for middle child syndrome, they will fight for attention because they likely do not get enough of it. Usually their negative behavior gains mom's attention, but instead of hugs and kisses, they get reprimands and timeouts. Since birth order is not their choice, wait until they are really happy, take a minute, and give an extra hug to your middle children today. 

By the last child, not only have you learned from your mistakes, but you are so busy that the youngest has to keep up, pick up, speak up, eat up or will get nothing. These are good traits for us all to learn. Don't complain about what you are served for supper. Eat what is on your plate, or be hungry. Learn to play alone. Be happy playing in your room. Don't ask mommy to play with you all the time. Don't be demanding. Don't be selfish. Don't act like a spoiled brat. If we treated all our kids like youngest kids, they would learn self-sufficiency much sooner. How old was your oldest when he actually played happily by himself? Did he/she even have the opportunity to learn this important life skill? And the youngest? The baby learned this skill in infancy and will carry it throughout adulthood. 

Mom's Advice to New Parents:

1. If you are a first time parent, try to relax! Stop reading so many parenting books, and stop trying to do everything the books say.

2. Give your baby the chance to play alone in his playpen or crib (at times). 

3. Let people hold your baby. Let them help you. Enjoy dinner while they do.

4. Being unreasonably overprotective with your baby will lead to the baby having more separation anxiety at age 1. 

  

Tape on Fingers

Photo: Model Urban Neighborhood Demonstration Collection
(ubarchives, Langsdale Library, Univ of Baltimore)

We were sitting down for a leisurely afternoon snack, so I sliced my orange into eight pieces and grabbed a napkin. As soon as I sat down, my 5-year-old asked sweetly for my oranges. So I gave her four. Then she proceeded to cut masking tape into small pieces and wrap them around her fingernails like band-aids. When we asked why, she said she didn't want her fingers to sting. Then she tried to eat the oranges but could not because of the tape. She asked for help getting all the tape off of her fingers, which I did for the next two minutes. Finally, she said: "Actually, I don't want oranges anymore."

Last night after 9 pm, she and her brother were doing Origami at the kitchen table. Out of the blue, she said: "good thing I ate supper already!" When we asked why, she said: "because my hands are getting dirty."

The kids were jumping on the trampoline with jump ropes. They threw one jump rope over the net and it landed in a tree. Gaby wanted to get it, but Caleb tried to stop her because he was afraid she would break off the tree branch. Neighbor Eric came to the rescue and said: "I'll get it! I'm an expert!"

"We had a little talk," Gaby stated as she, Caleb and Eric walked out the back door with their icy pops. "About what?" I asked. "About Eric doing something until college." "What's that?" I asked. She said: "I forgot."

I have four young children, and my son's friend Eric practically lives here. So at any given time in the afternoon/evening/weekend, there are at least 5 kids running around, screaming, squealing, crying, laughing, chasing, and discovering. Currently, the oldest is playing with a bouncy ball, the next two are opening a floor puzzle, the 3-year-old is coloring with markers ("mommy--I don't know how to put the top on right"), and the baby is supposed to be napping. But five minutes ago, one was crying because her sister helped me first, and one was crying because his favorite drawing was put on the floor (AKA ruined forever)!!!

Mom's Advice for Moms with Young Children
One parenting trick I have recently learned is that kids need more space. They usually can work out their differences if I stay out of it. They will find something to do if I leave them alone. I have always tried to micro-manage them, but it has truly backfired. I see it because my oldest now micro-manages all his siblings. So, if it's not too late, I am trying to learn from my mistakes and give the kids more freedom to learn, explore, and socialize on their own. I'm not sure how they feel about it, but it has truly decreased my stress levels.