When All Your Kids Cry at the Same Time

Photo: Mary DeCrescenzio

We were on one of our first outings with all 5 children, so we loaded up the family van and made our way to Karate for my son's orange belt test. As his mom, I wanted to be there to support him even though I knew it may be hard to keep all his siblings quiet for the showcase. I brought the double stroller, packed with our 1-month old and 2-year-old, hoping to keep them contained and easy to manage. My husband could sit with the 4 and 6-year-old, and he and I could both try to catch a few quick photos with our free hands.

Crying Child #1: On the way into the studio, I realized that Sadie had mosquito bites all over her arms in addition to having been sick and fussy all week. So the only consolation for her was in her Daddy's arms. Everything was making her cry this week--even her own Birthday party! So watching Karate for an hour was no exception.

Crying Child #2: I was not surprised that our newborn was going to cry because his feeding time was 7 pm, which was halfway through the Karate show. But before I could feed him...

Crying Child #3: Gaby was sitting in a folding chair, and her finger got cut by the folding joint, so she was bleeding and crying. I ran her into the bathroom to put cold water on it and compression to stop the bleeding, and thankfully the Karate staff had ice and bandages. Before she recovered:

Crying Child #4: I went into a smaller room to feed the baby and watch the younger 2 girls. During that time, Sadie poured every crayon from all 3 large crayon boxes onto the floor. And Emma wanted to run back and forth between her Daddy's chair and the room I was in, which meant that Sadie was following her. She also wanted to stand on a chair in order to see the gym area, of which I said no several times, requiring me to reprimand her. That, of course, brings Emma to tears, so by this point I was close to tears myself. I am used to having this type of chaos at home, but in public, I was certain that all the parents were staring at us and terribly frustrated for our disrupting their children's performances. At least Karate is a loud sport, so hopefully our noise blended in.

Ruben and Emma cleaned up half the crayons and then tried to continue watching Caleb perform. I picked up some crayons but did not want to miss Caleb receiving his belt. I had to watch it from outside the building because Sadie was crying again, so I held her outside and looked in through the lobby windows.

Amazingly, as soon as the show was over, no one was crying, and the rest of the crayons had been cleaned up by the Karate staff--certainly out of sympathy for the stressed out parents of 5 under age 8. Caleb had completed the test and was awarded his new belt, and we were ready for a happy family dinner.

But I knew my stress levels could not handle that. So I came home with the two youngest while Ruben took the older 3 to dinner. Once I got the babies into bed, I sat down in my recliner to relax and watch Property Brothers. The night was somehow a success!

Dealing with Isolation (Part 2)

Photo: Rev. Ruben E. Navarrete

4. Isolation is an opportunity to be satisfied by the presence of God. Difficult circumstances such as loneliness cause us to seek God with great need and desperation. "God says 'I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud...I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it....But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you" (Psalm 81). "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere...For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you" (Psalm 84:10-12). One hymn that reminds me of this is "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace" (Helen Lemmel). 

5. Isolation is an opportunity to find yourself. You may usually be so busy that you have forgotten who you are. What are your personal interests? Now that you have some time to yourself, explore the things you enjoy and are good at. Explore the things you used to do before having kids. Is there a hobby you love that you have not done in years? Or is there a hobby you would like to start that you never had time for? Someday, when you retire, how do you plan to spend your free time? I would encourage you to turn off the TV and internet for a few minutes and choose an activity that is creative, productive, helpful, and pursue that! There are so many fulfilling hobbies out there and many of them you can do alone at home or with your kids. I am so appreciative of ladies that have made blankets/quilts for our babies, cross-stitched decorations on towels for us, or baked us cookies, brought us meals, etc. Find a hobby that uses your talents to serve others.

6. Isolation is an opportunity to reach out. Sometimes we need to reach out for help; other times we need to reach out to help someone else. You may feel alone, but you likely have friends, sisters, church members, neighbors, acquaintances that are facing similar struggles. Make that phone call if you are sitting at home alone, feeling depressed. Don't isolate yourself more than you already are. Create opportunities to get out of the house; go for a walk or chat with a neighbor. In my experience, time on social media does not really help in this area. For example, I feel more isolated after scrolling facebook for an hour. But after a phone call with an old friend, I always feel encouraged. Give people the opportunity to help and serve you. Most friends and family are willing and eager to help if they know how. And asking for help may be a way to strengthen that relationship. Don't stress yourself out trying to volunteer or serve if you aren't able, but there may be something you can do from home to show God's love to others. It is very important to spend time with women that you can relate to, but you will have to be intentional about making that happen. Don't wait for someone to call and invite you. When you feel isolated, you often lose motivation because you feel like no one cares and no one understands. But those things are simply not true. So plan some activities outside your home if possible. It may be as simple as a play date for your kids or a cup of coffee with a friend. Out of my own experience, I can say that it will make you feel less isolated.

Why Stop at 1 or 2 Kids?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

Most American families have only 1-2 kids nowadays. Once people find out I am pregnant with Baby #5, I hear comments such as:

-Why so many kids?

-Are you Catholic? Or Mormon?

-Don't you know how this happens?

-Are you done yet?

-Boy, your hands are really full.

-Wow! I could never handle that.

I have heard comments like these since I was pregnant with my third child, as if there is something wrong with having more than 1-2 children. So why have a large family?

1. We were unable to get pregnant the first time and tried for about a year and a half. During that time we prayed that God would bless us with children. And now, 8 years later, I am about to have a fifth baby.

2. Children are a blessing from God. The Bible says: 

"Be fruitful and multiply." (Genesis 1:28). 

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:4-5). 

"Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3). 

"Jesus said, let the little children come unto me and do not hinder them." (Matthew 19:14). 

"You created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:13-14).

3. Life with many children is adventurous and rewarding. You never know what fun each day may bring. For example, today we made popcorn and hot cocoa, played Dominoes, watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," and ate pizza for supper. And now, at 10 pm, my 4-year-old is still wide awake in her bed. One of my kids has missed her first week of school after Christmas break because she has had a fever for 5 days. My 20-month-old now sings "Jesus Loves Me" in English and Spanish with me at bedtime. Some days there are 6-8 kids here at our house all playing and entertaining each other.

4. Having a lot of children is a test of character, and it will help to develop patience, selflessness, perseverance, and faith. But is it really harder to raise 3+ kids? Sometimes it is harder with more kids because there is more to do and manage. But the more kids there are, the more they play together. And, like the Luvs commercial shows, experienced moms simplify things and streamline processes such as preparing lunches, loading up the car, and adjusting bedtime routines. Believe me, it is quite stressful at times, so I need a lot of prayer, support, encouragement, advice, and help from family. But if I can do it, anyone can. My husband is a patient and laid back person, so he does not get overwhelmed by multiple screaming/crying children at the same time. And while I am not so relaxed, I cope with the difficult moments with a brief "Help me, Lord!" or a bite of chocolate or a quick game of Tetris.

Don't Let the Dog Out and Magic Markers

Cecil Stoughton's White House Photos

It was a low-stress Friday afternoon. On Fridays, I don't have to cook, so I was relaxing and the kids were playing. Then I suggested that Caleb invite the neighbor over to play so he could have more boy time. Little did I know that was the end of my low-stress afternoon.

Before I talk about what happened next, let's divert to the dog. Sam is our faithful, 11-year-old beagle that just underwent surgery last week. He had his spleen removed plus a massive tumor that was over two pounds and larger than a grapefruit. So he has a cone on his head until the incision heals. The vet's instructions are to keep Sam on bed rest.

Back to Friday afternoon: Caleb brought Eric over to play, but while they were entering the front door, the screen door did not quite close, so Sam ran over and tried to squeeze through. I screamed for Caleb and Eric to stop him, but they could not, so I reached for his tail and ended up on my knees in the doorway. Sam ran straight into the street, almost getting hit by a silver Honda, of which the driver stopped afterwards to wave and apologize. He saw me on my knees on the front porch, screaming at the boys for letting Sam out (I am 13 weeks pregnant, by the way). One other thing: at that same moment the boys were walking in, I was calling my husband, so he heard the whole 45 seconds of chaos.

While Sam was roaming the neighborhood with his cone, stitches, and all, I moved the car from the garage to the driveway so the boys could have more space to play in the garage. When I came back into the dining room, I noticed pink circles all over the wall, and Emma was standing there. "When did you do this, Emma?!!!!" "Right now, Mommy."  "What marker did you use, Emma?!!!" "Gaby's magic marker." So of course I made her "clean it up," which is impossible because it is permanent marker. 

After that, 3 more neighbors came to play, Sam came home, Sam ran away again, I cooked pancakes because my husband worked later than expected, we tried to take five kids to the football game, the football game ticket stand did not take debit cards, so we finally ended up with five kids at Krispy Kreme at 8:00 pm. 

Advice for Overwhelmed Moms:

My only advice is if you are an overwhelmed mom, you are not alone. That may or may not help you in the chaotic moments, but later on, when the kids are sleeping, call a friend that also has a large family, and you can laugh (or cry) about it together. We are not meant to face all of this alone. God is with you. Your family and friends are with you. Just reach out and share your story.

Baby Wise: Scheduled Feedings vs. On-Demand Feedings

Photo: Mary DeCrescenzio

When I was pregnant with my first baby, a mom of twins gave me a book called Baby Wise, which I read eagerly and then re-read once my baby was born. Little did I know the controversy between moms that schedule feed their babies vs. moms who feed on demand.

Baby Wise Principles:
1. Use a basic schedule for feeding your infant, with feedings every 2.5-3 hours.
2. Try to ensure your infant gets a full feeding each time he/she eats.
3. Keep your infant awake for a little while between each feeding cycle during the day.
4. The purpose of a good daytime schedule is to help your baby to sleep better at night.
5. Use your parental instincts to adjust your baby's feeding schedule as appropriate.

These principles did not seem controversial to me, but I noticed a lot of mixed reviews on Amazon because some moms disagree with the idea of a feeding schedule. On-demand feeding and scheduled feeding can actually look very similar in practice if your baby eats well for each feeding because likely he/she will not be hungry again for a few hours. But if your baby cries and you nurse him for 5 minutes, he likely will eat again soon.

Some on-demand feeding moms stated they disagree with scheduled feedings because it leads to infants not gaining weight. That would only be the case if you are not feeding your baby enough volume each day. Obviously, if your baby's 2-week checkup shows he/she is not gaining enough weight, the doctor will have you increase your baby's milk/formula intake. Remember that the first few weeks, your baby will eat often--sometimes every 2 hours.

Using scheduled feedings for my children did not cause any lack of weight gain. Actually, my son's weight increased from 7 lbs at birth to 15 lbs at 2 months. One benefit of the feeding schedule and daytime wake times for my babies was that they slept through the night by 2-3 months.

Mom's Advice for new moms:
1. Baby Wise has some good ideas and is worth a read.
2. Use common sense when feeding your infant. It's your motherly instinct.
3. Do what works best for you and your family even if it is different than everyone else.
4. Follow your doctor's guidelines and call the lactation nurse for extra advice.
5. Consider breastmilk only for the first 6 months. Don't give up too soon on breastfeeding your infant even if it painful or difficult the first few weeks.
6. Don't compare your baby to others because each child is different. Just because your cousin's baby slept through the night at 1 week does not mean yours will. Some babies latch well immediately and others take a few weeks to learn. Some babies are never good sleepers.

Tape on Fingers

Photo: Model Urban Neighborhood Demonstration Collection
(ubarchives, Langsdale Library, Univ of Baltimore)

We were sitting down for a leisurely afternoon snack, so I sliced my orange into eight pieces and grabbed a napkin. As soon as I sat down, my 5-year-old asked sweetly for my oranges. So I gave her four. Then she proceeded to cut masking tape into small pieces and wrap them around her fingernails like band-aids. When we asked why, she said she didn't want her fingers to sting. Then she tried to eat the oranges but could not because of the tape. She asked for help getting all the tape off of her fingers, which I did for the next two minutes. Finally, she said: "Actually, I don't want oranges anymore."

Last night after 9 pm, she and her brother were doing Origami at the kitchen table. Out of the blue, she said: "good thing I ate supper already!" When we asked why, she said: "because my hands are getting dirty."

The kids were jumping on the trampoline with jump ropes. They threw one jump rope over the net and it landed in a tree. Gaby wanted to get it, but Caleb tried to stop her because he was afraid she would break off the tree branch. Neighbor Eric came to the rescue and said: "I'll get it! I'm an expert!"

"We had a little talk," Gaby stated as she, Caleb and Eric walked out the back door with their icy pops. "About what?" I asked. "About Eric doing something until college." "What's that?" I asked. She said: "I forgot."

I have four young children, and my son's friend Eric practically lives here. So at any given time in the afternoon/evening/weekend, there are at least 5 kids running around, screaming, squealing, crying, laughing, chasing, and discovering. Currently, the oldest is playing with a bouncy ball, the next two are opening a floor puzzle, the 3-year-old is coloring with markers ("mommy--I don't know how to put the top on right"), and the baby is supposed to be napping. But five minutes ago, one was crying because her sister helped me first, and one was crying because his favorite drawing was put on the floor (AKA ruined forever)!!!

Mom's Advice for Moms with Young Children
One parenting trick I have recently learned is that kids need more space. They usually can work out their differences if I stay out of it. They will find something to do if I leave them alone. I have always tried to micro-manage them, but it has truly backfired. I see it because my oldest now micro-manages all his siblings. So, if it's not too late, I am trying to learn from my mistakes and give the kids more freedom to learn, explore, and socialize on their own. I'm not sure how they feel about it, but it has truly decreased my stress levels.