Temper Tantrums in Public: What Should Mom Do?

Photo: National Library of Wales

You are raising good kids, and you are really consistent about discipline. Your 1-year-old knows the meaning of no, your 2-year-old knows the meaning of timeout, and your 3-year-old knows the meaning of "go to your room." But even the best of moms will have an occasional trip to Publix in which your sweet angel decides to scream for the entire 3 minutes it takes you to run in for milk and diapers. Don't lie and say it has never happened to you; there is a reason that moms buy groceries at 10 pm or 5 am. So what do you do when you are in a very public place, and your child has a titanic tantrum? 

Possible Parent Responses to Child's Tantrum:

1. Take her to the bathroom and sit her in timeout (this may take 5-10 minutes).

2. Take her to the bathroom and give her a spank (this process may take 5-10 minutes).

3. Keep walking through the store as fast as you can and ignore the screaming.

4. Leave the store immediately (without buying what you need).

5. Give her your phone or something to play with or eat (which reinforces the bad behavior).

Obviously, there is no easy way around this dilemma. Prevention is the only true solution, but realistically, can tantrums be prevented?

Possible Ways to Prevent Tantrums:

1. Bring activities for your child, such as coloring books or a toy he has not seen in awhile.

2. Teach your child as you walk around the store. Most kids behave better when they are engaging in active learning.

3. Make a checklist, AKA scavenger hunt, for the kids to help you find what is on your list and have them draw what they find.

4. Before going into the store, explain to your child that he can suck on a lollipop while shopping as long as he is obedient. If he disobeys, he will lose it immediately.

5. Do not go to the bakery section first and get him a free cookie. Explain ahead that if he is obedient the whole shopping trip, he can be rewarded at the end with a free cookie.

6. Explain that you will not shop with crying/whining children. And mean it. Don't be afraid to leave the store or any other public place if you said you would. Your children need to know that you mean what you say. Be sure they understand that you follow through on consequences. Don't make 5 empty threats to punish them for bad behavior. If you say: "you have 10 seconds to stop crying or I will take away the phone," then be sure to count to ten and remove the phone if they are still crying. It likely will cause more crying, but at least they are learning the consequences of disobedience.

7. Listen to your child. Sometimes your child just wants to tell you something, and if you actually take 20 seconds to listen, you may be able to easily fix what is bothering him, such as unfolding a sticker or turning a button.

8. Act a little crazy. It will make your kids laugh.

9. Bring another adult, especially a male adult. My husband is the superdad that can shop with four kids for an hour, and they never cry. His trick is to let them walk around, but they have to follow him. And they always do! The thought terrifies me, but it actually works for him.

10. Remember that as a parent, it is your job to train your children. You have an enormous opportunity and privilege to teach your little ones right from wrong, including how to behave in public.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." –Proverbs 22:6

Baby Wise: Scheduled Feedings vs. On-Demand Feedings

Photo: Mary DeCrescenzio

When I was pregnant with my first baby, a mom of twins gave me a book called Baby Wise, which I read eagerly and then re-read once my baby was born. Little did I know the controversy between moms that schedule feed their babies vs. moms who feed on demand.

Baby Wise Principles:
1. Use a basic schedule for feeding your infant, with feedings every 2.5-3 hours.
2. Try to ensure your infant gets a full feeding each time he/she eats.
3. Keep your infant awake for a little while between each feeding cycle during the day.
4. The purpose of a good daytime schedule is to help your baby to sleep better at night.
5. Use your parental instincts to adjust your baby's feeding schedule as appropriate.

These principles did not seem controversial to me, but I noticed a lot of mixed reviews on Amazon because some moms disagree with the idea of a feeding schedule. On-demand feeding and scheduled feeding can actually look very similar in practice if your baby eats well for each feeding because likely he/she will not be hungry again for a few hours. But if your baby cries and you nurse him for 5 minutes, he likely will eat again soon.

Some on-demand feeding moms stated they disagree with scheduled feedings because it leads to infants not gaining weight. That would only be the case if you are not feeding your baby enough volume each day. Obviously, if your baby's 2-week checkup shows he/she is not gaining enough weight, the doctor will have you increase your baby's milk/formula intake. Remember that the first few weeks, your baby will eat often--sometimes every 2 hours.

Using scheduled feedings for my children did not cause any lack of weight gain. Actually, my son's weight increased from 7 lbs at birth to 15 lbs at 2 months. One benefit of the feeding schedule and daytime wake times for my babies was that they slept through the night by 2-3 months.

Mom's Advice for new moms:
1. Baby Wise has some good ideas and is worth a read.
2. Use common sense when feeding your infant. It's your motherly instinct.
3. Do what works best for you and your family even if it is different than everyone else.
4. Follow your doctor's guidelines and call the lactation nurse for extra advice.
5. Consider breastmilk only for the first 6 months. Don't give up too soon on breastfeeding your infant even if it painful or difficult the first few weeks.
6. Don't compare your baby to others because each child is different. Just because your cousin's baby slept through the night at 1 week does not mean yours will. Some babies latch well immediately and others take a few weeks to learn. Some babies are never good sleepers.

Car Trouble and Miracle

Photo: Missouri State Archives

Yes, I am a soccer mom. And yes, I drive a blue minivan with the family stickers on the back. When you have four children that need car seats, car breakdowns are inconvenient, to put it nicely.

About a month ago, I got into my soccer van to drive home from work. As I was listening to music, I noticed a car nearby was pretty loud, so I looked around to find the culprit. Turns out it was me! I could only drive 25 miles per hour or the engine strained and the RPM's shot up. So I drove it super slowly the whole 30 minutes to a mechanic near my house, thinking that I could walk home if needed. The mechanic tested it and told me to take it to a transmission shop and to not drive it.

Since I was close to home, I parked it in my garage and started calling local transmission shops. Johnson Transmission in Lugoff had been recommended, so I called, but they were full that week and the next week they would be closed for the holiday. Thinking I needed the car fixed immediately, I found a reputable shop in Columbia called Donahue's. So I had the car towed there because I was told not to drive it. They diagnosed it as needing a transmission for the small fee of $4100.

Then I really started making some calls and got quotes from at least five transmission specialists, with quotes ranging from $2000 to $6000. By then, Johnson Transmission was open after the holiday, so I spoke to them a few times, faxed them the diagnostics from Donahue's, and had my car towed there. They said they would start working on it the next week. Mid-morning on Monday, they called me to say the car is running fine and every time they test drive it, there are no transmission problems!

That brings me to 2:00 today. I drove my mom's car to work, and after work, I drove it to Johnson's. I test drove my van with Mr. Johnson, and it ran perfectly, so I drove the van home. There I picked up mom and the kids and headed back to Johnson's to get mom's car. I came back home to realize that my house keys are inside the house, where they have been for the past month. I drove to get a key from my husband and finally made it home around 5 pm.

I don't know anything about cars or transmissions, but the fact that my car is running great and cost nothing to repair is truly a miracle!

Mom's Advice for Moms:
1. Don't rush into an expensive car fix.
2. Get several quotes before deciding on a car mechanic!
3. It's ok to stay home every afternoon for the next month with no transportation. You may enjoy it!
4. God still does miracles!