Why We Give at Christmas

It is a few days before Christmas, and looking back, you have given to many charities this month--Operation Christmas Child boxes, food drives, adopted families, donations to the Children's home, Salvation Army, Toys for Tots, the local homeless shelter. There are many reasons we give during this time of year. Many people are generous during the holidays because we want the less fortunate to have a good Christmas too.

The true meaning of Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, which was the greatest and most generous gift of God. He gave His only Son to become a human in order to die on the cross and rise again. "For God so loved the world,  that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). His purpose in living was to die. When Jesus Christ was alive, He healed the sick, He gave sight to the blind, He raised Lazarus from the dead, He stopped storms, He walked on water, He fed thousands of hungry people, He welcomed  the little children, He loved the outcasts, He touched people who were contagious with leprosy. Jesus was the perfect example of generosity. So when we give generously at Christmastime, it is giving to Christ. And since it is His birthday, those are the gifts we can bring to Jesus for Christmas. "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me" (Matthew 25:40).

Psalm 147 reminds me of the life and character of Jesus Christ while He lived here on earth:
-He gathers the exiles.
-He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
-He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
-He sustains the humble.
-He supplies the earth with rain.
-He provides food for the cattle.
-He strengthens the bars of your gates and blesses your people within you.
-He grants peace.
-He satisfies you with the finest of wheat.
-He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost.
-Who can withstand His icy blast? He sends His word and melts them;
      He stirs up His breezes, and the waters flow.

Let's give like Christ this Christmas!

Dinner Time with Little Kids

Dinner time is one of the three most stressful times of the day for moms, alongside morning routines and bedtime routines. We as moms have high expectations that we will all sit down at the dinner table at 6:00 pm, including mommy, daddy, and all our little angels. Mommy and daddy will talk about their days and the kids will eat their food quietly and happily. Newborns won't be crying or hungry, toddlers will not make a mess, older kids will not whine or complain or scream or chant or sing or tease each other. It will be a perfectly happy, 45-minute, family-connecting moment, in which we all feel relaxed and can share openly about what we missed in each other's lives for the past twelve hours.

The problem is this never happens when you sit down for dinner with young children. If it does for you, then please stop reading this post immediately in fear of learning that the real world does not look like your world. The day I arrived home from the hospital with my first newborn baby, it was dinner time and the food was ready. The baby was sleeping in the pack n play, and I planned to nurse him after dinner. Literally the moment I sat at the table, my newborn woke up and started crying. That is when I realized that my dinner times would never be the same again. 

Fast forward two years. I have a toddler and a newborn. The toddler is picky and refuses to eat all meat, cooked vegetables, and side dishes. So most of supper is a battle with a 2-year-old to try to get him to try something...anything! Fast forward two more years. It is Christmas time, and I have tried to contact several doctors for the past week to say that I have mastitis and a clogged milk duct and need treatment, but no doctor can see me because of the holiday schedule. So on Christmas Eve, I have to go to the ER to get the abscess surgically drained. But Christmas Eve dinner is being served at my house and my husband is there at home with three young kids while I am in the ER all afternoon.

I say all this to say that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for your supper hour to be crazy and unconnected with your husband and kids during this season. There was one time that I actually took my plate to my bedroom and ate alone, leaving my husband to deal with all the kids at the dinner table because I could not handle being in the dining room one more minute. I will never forget a period of two years when my husband was in charge of a big work project that kept him in the office until 7 or 8 pm most days, so I was eating dinner alone with my kids every night. I was filled with anxiety every evening, especially during supper. You can ask my husband--he would get crazy, mean texts and phone calls from me every night starting around 6 pm.

It has always helped if I can accept my circumstances instead of resisting them. This is not easy, and it is a daily battle, but God can give us His perspective. Whatever your situation is and however difficult your dinner times are, Jesus is sitting there with you at your table. You may feel Him or you may not. But He is there, and He loves you. He loves your babies. He loves your husband. He is interceding for your marriage and your family. He is carrying you through the sleepless nights and the screaming hours. He is empowering you to pray for your husband and your kids. God has made you a mom for such a time as this. This is your season to be Queen Esther and to fulfill His special calling for you as a young mom of these precious babies. It takes courage to cook the meal that your kids may not eat. It takes courage to try to sit down at the table and have a conversation. It takes courage to teach your kids to fold their hands and thank God for the food. It takes courage to set your phone down and actually look at your family.

Supper time may not be the time of day when you can enjoy your family very much. But find a time each day to enjoy them. Sit outside on the porch and watch the older kids play while holding the baby. Or hang out in the back yard with your kids after school. Or take a few extra minutes to sing Bible songs to your babies before tucking them in. Despite the frustrations of the day, your kids will likely remember those sweet moments when they had your undivided attention, even for five or ten minutes.

As far as connecting with your husband, just get a babysitter every so often. Try to chat after the kids are in bed. Don't have too high expectations--just be realistic. And keep trying to make dinner a family affair. Soon all the kids will be out of their high chairs, and your dinner conversations will start with, "what did you do at school today?"

What it Takes to Lead

Leadership is hard, whether you are leading your children or a large group of employees. Over the years, I have learned some life lessons about leadership, even from a young age.

1. Leaders are lonely. It does not mean they feel sad and lonely and depressed. It just means that they are not afraid to stand alone in order to lead. And the fact that they are willing to do so gives other interested people the opportunity to follow.

2. Leaders have a large comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with followers; leaders need people that will follow them. But while followers are content in their comfort zone, leaders always feel an urge to go beyond.

3. Leaders have a calling to be different. When you are in a crowd, and you are talking to your small group of friends, do you ever feel led to reach out beyond your clique? If so, you may be a leader...or maybe just an evangelist.

4. Leaders are weird. Accept it. You are not like everyone else, and that is ok! Actually, that is a very good quality that enables you to lead.

5. Leaders have to be courageous. It takes guts to tell someone to follow you. You had better be confident in what you are doing and telling them to do. But even if you are not a natural leader, you are gifted at something specific and will have chances to share that with others.



My leadership training began in middle school when I was very shy and introverted. If I didn't have a friend nearby, I would just sit by myself and wonder why no one talked to me. That is not leadership, by the way! But as I studied the Bible, God showed me that He wanted me to reach out to other people and stop focusing on myself. Hence, He showed me how to start leading. My whole mindset changed when I was in an unfamiliar environment. Instead of staying to myself, I would just find someone and start talking with them.

That opened up doors for me to be a mentor to younger girls. So in high school, I mentored middle schoolers. In college, I mentored high schoolers. In graduate school, I led Bible studies. In high school and college, I went on mission trips. As newlyweds, my husband and I were youth leaders and music leaders at church. If I was ever in a new environment, I would just look for who I should reach out to and start a conversation. Some people are extremely shy and almost afraid to talk, but once you take the time and show that you care enough to listen, they usually open up.

Right now I have the responsibility of leading my five, young children. All moms have this responsibility, and we can do a great job at it whether we are natural leaders or followers. Either way, our kids are going to learn from us and likely become like us. So we at least need to try to lead them well. As moms, we need to be leaders that practice what we preach. Our kids may learn more from watching us than what we tell them or try to teach them.

Don't be afraid to lead. If God is calling you to do something new, He has a reason for placing that in your heart. Don't compare yourself or second guess yourself. Maybe God wants you to write cards to orphans or serve a meal to the homeless or start a ministry or grow your business or have another baby. God will empower you to fulfill what He has called you to do.

"Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him" (Hebrews 13:20-21).

Do You Feel Like a Hamster on a Wheel

Have you ever cooked a beautiful and delicious dinner only to have your kids not eat a bite of it? What is the point of cooking if your family is not going to eat what you cooked?!! Tonight we had breaded/fried slices of eggplant, roasted broccoli, home fries, and...lunch meat--because I didn't get around to making the scrambled eggs after cooking everything else.  But guess what no one ate? Eggplant, broccoli, and potatoes. Sadie literally only ate slices of turkey breast lunch meat for her whole supper. Dominic actually ate some broccoli. And Gaby/Emma at least tasted a few potatoes only upon my insisting.

But sometimes they even complain when you make something they love like pizza or grilled cheese. Do you ever feel like a hamster on a wheel? You are constantly on the go but going nowhere. You are constantly cooking but it does not get eaten. Or, in the case of my friends with teenage boys, you finished cooking but your kids are still hungry. Or you just finished washing the last of the dishes when you realize there are still dishes left in the dining room.

Do you ever feel like you are giving constantly but you never get anything in return? How long is that sustainable? Within our natural selves, it is not sustainable, but "with God all things are possible" (Mark 10:27). For us as moms and wives and sisters and daughters and church members and leaders and workers, it is only possible to continue giving and giving every day by the supernatural strength of the Spirit of Christ working in and through us.

"We love because He first loved us" (1 John 4:19). In our own human strength, we cannot keep loving those who are not loving us back. But God loved us before we were ever able to love Him. And He still loves us even when we fail Him every day. We should take a moment to think about the love of God right now. He loves us perfectly. "His love never fails" (Psalm 136). And His love is demonstrated to us in so many ways every single day and moment! Here are some examples of God's love for us.

"He shields all who take refuge in Him" (Psalm 18:30).
"God is within her, she will not fall" (Psalm 46:5).
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11-12).
"Where God guides, He provides" (Isaiah 58:11).
"The Lord will fight for you" (Exodus 14:14).
"He restores my soul" (Psalm 23:3).
"...the Lord...daily loads us with benefits, God of our salvation" (Psalm 68:19).
"He has made everything beautiful in its time" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

Should You Ask, "How Do I Look?"

I spent hours preparing for this night. I bought and returned multiple dresses for the occasion because one was too small, one was too big, one didn't look right. I didn't have time to go shopping to try on dresses, so I ordered them all online and sent back all but one. The gown I finally decided to wear arrived from Amazon a few hours before the event, but it was two inches too long, so my 9-year-old and I labored an hour hemming it by hand. It was 4 pm, and my dress was ready. It fit, it was the right length, it was the right style, and most importantly, it didn't make me look fat (at least when I sucked in).

The next hour I focused on my hair: curling, rolling, twisting, pinning, spraying, re-pinning, re-twisting, re-spraying it until it looked like the perfect updo to go along with my elegant gown. Next I had to dust off my makeup because this was a formal occasion with a fancy dress and a pretty hairstyle. At least some eyeliner, mascara, bright red lipstick, and blush would match the outfit and hair! Lastly, I put on my lotion, perfume, body spray, accessories and found a nicer-than-usual purse to carry.

My husband noticed that I looked nice, so we carried on and went to the ball. We had a great time and the night was over all too soon. But on our way home, I took the opportunity to ask my husband again how I looked. Why do women feel the need to ask our husbands how we look? It's not that I doubted myself. It's not that I felt fat. It is simply because when women make the effort to look amazing, we like to be noticed by the special man in our lives.

This is a vain post, but it is something that we as women deal with all the time! Sometimes women just get tired of trying so hard. Why do I exercise every free moment I get? Why did I buy a new dress? Why did I spent too much time doing my hair and makeup? Why do we suck in for our selfies? Why do we keep our lips hydrated? Why do we keep our feet moisturized?

Usually I have a resolution by the end of my posts. The only Bible verse that comes to mind is: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised" (Proverbs 31:30). So maybe next time we should spend all those hours reading our Bible studies and praying and doing mission projects. That matters more in the long run and likely will make us happier. But I think that even God understands that women need affirmation when we work so hard to be attractive.

What Is My Purpose and Calling?

What is the passion deep inside you? What is driving you? When you finally get a free moment and your kids are asleep, what is your dream? It may be as simple and glorious as being a better mom. Or it may be as grand and long-term as starting and growing your own business. It may be as Christlike as becoming a full-time missionary. Or it may be just to pay the bills and try to get out of debt.

God has a calling for you and a purpose--a great purpose for how He wants to use you to help others, bless others, love others. God sees the big picture, even though we rarely do. We often only see today and here and now. We see the circumstance, the struggle, the battle, the frustration. But God knows how He plans to turn every difficulty in your life into victory and ministry.

Consider David and Goliath. If David looked at Goliath from a worldly perspective, he would never have volunteered to fight against him. He would have feared Goliath just like the rest of the Israelite soldiers did. But David knew the power of God; he had experienced God's victory over giants in the past. As a shepherd, he had to fight off or kill lions or any other beasts that tried to attack his sheep. So David had confidence in the power of God and in the power he had received from God to be skilled with a slingshot.

God is all-powerful, but He also empowers us! So how has God empowered you and prepared you for your current calling? Spend some time listening to God today because He wants to show you how to work together with His Holy Spirit to strengthen and grow His Kingdom on this earth.

There are two things inhibiting your victory and ministry. Apathy and fear. Apathy presents itself in not taking the time to seek Christ, being so busy that you don't have time for Christ, or focusing so much on yourself and your day-to-day struggles that you forget that the Spirit of Jesus Christ is living and active in and around you. Fear is demonstrated first in your mind--the worries, the concerns, the paralysis, the depression, the false thoughts you feed on. These thoughts produce inaction. You may feel the Spirit nudging you to do something, but you fear doing so for one or many reasons.

Satan is tempting you to:
1.   Focus on yourself.
2.   Think this life is only about the here and now.
3.   Forget about heaven and eternity.
4.   Give up on _______ (fill in the blank).
5.   Spend excessive time on things that don't really matter.
6.   Be discouraged.
7.   Doubt the power and faithfulness of God.
8.   Depend on __________ (someone or something) instead of depending on God.
9.   Be lukewarm; half-devoted to God.
10. Downplay the importance of your ministry to your own family.

God wants you to know:
1.   He loves you so incredibly much! Nothing can or ever will change that--not even you.
2.   He has a purpose for your life. He will help you find it, but you have to seek Him to figure out what it is and how to fulfill it.
3.   God's calling for your life is bigger than you. He is reaching the whole world. So don't stop small if God is telling you to do something big for His Kingdom!
4.   God's calling for your life may be smaller than you realize. You may be in a stage of life where you have to stay home. So how does God want to use your gifts at home with your family or maybe through the internet? Not everyone is Billy Graham. Someone had to be his mom.
5.   Jesus was always in ministry or prayer. He prayed up so he was ready for the ministry. He was constantly seeking the will of God and walking in obedience to it.
6.  God wants you to look deeper. Of course life happens and you naturally get caught up in focusing on temporary things like floors and cars and jobs and extracurricular activities. But is there something deeper you need to share with someone--your child, your neighbor, your spouse, your co-worker? We have the good news of eternal life through Jesus Christ! Share it!!
7.   He is always good, and He is always with you. He will never let you down. Though the whole world may fail you and leave you hopeless and alone, God will never abandon you.
8.   Jesus died to take away your sins and to provide healing and hope.
9.   Jesus rose from the dead on the third day after he was crucified, and the same power that gave Him victory over death is available to you today!
10. God wants to empower you to look outside of yourself and to reach out to someone today and every day. Make that phone call. Write that note/email/text. Go and knock on that door. Be intentional about doing something to show the love of Christ every day.

When the Valley is Dark

Photo: Riksarkivet (National Archives of Norway)

When the valley is dark, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, are by my side.
When the valley is deep, when the valley is long,
When the valley is hard, and I don't feel strong,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, are by my side.

When the desert is dry, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, you will provide.
When the desert is hot, when the desert is long,
When the desert is parched, and I can't go on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, you will provide.

When the mountain is steep, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, will be my strength.
When the mountain is high, when the mountain is long,
When the mountain is hard, and I can't climb on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, will be my strength.

When the journey is far, I will not be afraid.
For you, my God, will light the way.
When the journey is hard, when the journey is long,
When the journey is dark, and I can't carry on,
I will not be afraid, I will not be afraid,
For you, my God, will light the way.

-By Liz Navarrete

Kids Acting Up in Public

Photo by Mary Decrescenzio

When you go out in public and your kids won't listen and are acting up, what do you do to get them to stop?

First, there is no easy answer to this question because as parents, we all go through times like this. My most recent example is when I take 2-3 kids to the grocery store (today I took my younger 3 to Publix to buy my groceries for the week). The whole way to the store, I review my grocery store rules with them. 3 simple rules: 1. Do not scream. 2. Do not make anyone scream.  3. Do not ask me for anything. They repeat the rules to me several times so that I can make sure they know them very well. And throughout the store, they repeat them, especially any that they are forgetting to keep. I gave them each one tic tac when we got there as a motivator to follow the rules in order to earn another one at the end of the shopping trip. I try to keep those trips as short as possible. If I need extra things or I have to really check labels or order something that will take too much time, I plan those for another time without the kids or without as many of them.

There are times when even the well-behaved, compliant children are difficult and defiant. That is obviously because we are all sinners. Our kids aren't any worse sinners than we adults are. We all make mistakes and we all need parenting. Our kids get it from us, and we adults get it from our Heavenly Father, if we seek Him and take the time to receive and learn from the discipline He gives us. So when the kids are being difficult, do they need more rules or more grace? It depends on the situation. It is ok to say no to some activities that you or your kids want to do because of the season of life you are in. I regularly have to say no to women's ministry events at church on weeknights because getting home late puts way too much stress on my life and therefore on my kids' lives as well. Or socially, I rarely go out alone with friends because I have prioritized my marriage and family.

Practically speaking, if I know I don't have enough money to take the kids to the zoo or the fair or Carowinds, etc, I don't take them. I only plan outings and trips if I can afford to enjoy them, including buying the kids an ice cream or slush, etc. That is part of the fun of going places--to be able to buy some fun foods or a toy while being there. All kids will get upset if they are out somewhere fun and they see everyone else enjoying cotton candy or a glow stick or a balloon or a fidget spinner and mom/dad keep saying they can't buy anything. In that case, I would more likely keep my kids at home or do something we can afford that is low-cost like getting a Frosty from Wendy's or a play date at Chick-Fil-A or going to the park or library. There are times we have even left the library because they would not stay quiet or be obedient. I am not afraid to change my plans based on their bad behavior unless it is a plan that is impossible to change.

There are times when I have changed my mind about going somewhere fun with the kids because they were acting up in the car. I don't make threats that I fail to carry out. If I say: "if you scream one more time, we will not go to Chick-Fil-A," then if they keep screaming, I turn around and drive home and explain why. I have left Hobby Lobby and driven all the way home with one of my kids and left them at home with my husband and then returned to Hobby Lobby alone to continue my shopping trip. And there are times when I took the child to the bathroom to give a spanking or a timeout.

Discipline takes a lot of time and work. We cannot expect our kids to parent themselves. They are our children, given to us by God, and God wants us to take the time to actually parent them--not to just put a phone or tablet in front of their faces. I am very guilty of getting frustrated with my kids when they seem to need so much from me or when I have to take extra time to correct them. But that is my job as their mom! It is the highest calling of my life. Every moment we spend investing in our kids is living for the Kingdom of God! God wants us to raise our kids to know Him and to love Him, and that means we have to be investing time in disciplining and correcting and loving our little ones.

The bottom line of disciplining our kids is not a list of rules. It is showing them the heart of God and the grace of God. Rules and punishment do not create compliant kids. And enforcing rules and punishments does not create a pleasant parent either. After I have to discipline one of my kids, I try to take the time to talk through what happened and why. I may have to wait until we all calm down, but then I give hugs and explain that we all are sinners and we all need God's help and God's forgiveness and God's grace. God loves our kids. And we love them. That is why we discipline them. We need to be patient with them like God is patient with us. I am not naturally patient, and I do not have this figured out, but with God's help, we can all improve.

Diary of a Moody Mom

Photo: R. Navarrete

Why am I so moody? Before I became a mom, I was normal—at least I felt normal. I got sleep, for one thing. I actually talked to my husband during dinner.  I read books! I had hobbies. I walked the dog…every day…or twice a day. I had time to watch American Idol…live at 8:00. So what happened in the past 9 years?

Baby Number One

It all started with one baby. It was pretty manageable except it took me 30 minutes to load up the car with the baby, diaper bag, two bottles, pack n play, stroller, seat cover for the grocery cart, extra pacifiers, favorite toys, and actually the entire kitchen.  My first baby got my attention…ALL my attention. I wanted to give it to him, and I had the time to give it. He was my world. If I needed a shower, he was in the bouncer chair in my bathroom. If I needed to cook, he was in the high chair with me in the kitchen. If I needed to spend the day going broke in Target, Kohl's, and Hobby Lobby, he was there in the shopping cart, munching on goldfish or playing with the 5 new toys that my husband had bought for him in the past 5 days…because how can you stop in Walgreen's and not buy a toy for your new baby?!!

I mean—I was not that moody back then. I was a little obsessed with bragging about my baby and reading baby books and taking baby pictures and making baby scrapbooks and painting nursery art and making keepsakes of every first in his life, but I was still normal—at least I still felt like me.  I see why some people stop at one. Life is still pretty normal with one child. You can still go out to eat. You can still talk at dinner with minimal interruptions. You can still shop and go on trips and pretty much do everything you used to do. It takes a bit longer to load up, but with careful planning as all first-time moms do, you can still get to church on time and make it to all your friends' kids' first birthday parties. You can still go on vacation because the baby can sleep in a crib in the hotel room, and you have not spent all your vacation funds on field trips and new kids' clothes and new kids' shoes and piano lessons.

To be continued...

Breaking the Sugar Addiction

I have a sweet tooth. I love sugar and anything with sugar--especially chocolate...and ice cream..and chocolate ice cream with chocolate candy stirred in and chocolate syrup on top. So it has not been natural or easy for me to give up sugar. Normally, I try not to keep it in the house because I will eat it all before anyone else gets a chance. But if it is ever nearby, I always indulge.

Recently, after several months of gaining a few pounds and my pants fitting too snug, I decided to give up sweets. It is Halloween week, but as of 9 days ago, I have eaten no candy, brownies, ice cream, or even granola bars. This is something I have never done before or even attempted. But with God's supernatural help, I have succeeded so far. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). It has been especially difficult because my husband's birthday was last week, so I made him brownies, and we had a Trunk or Treat at church, so our house is full of candy--even the good stuff like Snickers and Almond Joy.

The physical results so far have been better than I expected! I have lost a total of 3 pounds and almost one inch. Overall, I have not felt too tempted by the brownies and candy that are still in my house, thanks to me not gobbling them up in one day. Grumpiness has not been more of a factor than usual, which is a surprise considering the chocolate withdrawal. I would not say I have more energy but maybe less, but possibly that is related to an increase of seasonal allergies and a sore throat. One of my physical motivators is curiosity to see what the results will be if I stick to it for a month or two or longer.

The greatest emotional benefit has been feeling free. Usually I felt I could not resist eating sweets and I would eat more and more whenever it was available. But now, even though it looks good, it feels better to know that the decision is already made that I will not have it. And that leads to me not having my brain telling me how it tasted good and how I need a second, third, or tenth Hershey's Kiss. Instead, I have munched on salty snacks, which I rarely overeat because I really don't like them nearly as much as sugar. And for breakfasts, instead of two granola bars, I am eating 2 egg whites and a piece of fruit.

Spiritually, giving up sweets has given me the necessity to pray more, trust God more, rely on His help, and practice self-control. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). I pray that learning self-control in one area of life will carry over to others as well. Please feel free to join me on this journey, as it is easier with accountability!