Dinner Time with Little Kids

Dinner time is one of the three most stressful times of the day for moms, alongside morning routines and bedtime routines. We as moms have high expectations that we will all sit down at the dinner table at 6:00 pm, including mommy, daddy, and all our little angels. Mommy and daddy will talk about their days and the kids will eat their food quietly and happily. Newborns won't be crying or hungry, toddlers will not make a mess, older kids will not whine or complain or scream or chant or sing or tease each other. It will be a perfectly happy, 45-minute, family-connecting moment, in which we all feel relaxed and can share openly about what we missed in each other's lives for the past twelve hours.

The problem is this never happens when you sit down for dinner with young children. If it does for you, then please stop reading this post immediately in fear of learning that the real world does not look like your world. The day I arrived home from the hospital with my first newborn baby, it was dinner time and the food was ready. The baby was sleeping in the pack n play, and I planned to nurse him after dinner. Literally the moment I sat at the table, my newborn woke up and started crying. That is when I realized that my dinner times would never be the same again. 

Fast forward two years. I have a toddler and a newborn. The toddler is picky and refuses to eat all meat, cooked vegetables, and side dishes. So most of supper is a battle with a 2-year-old to try to get him to try something...anything! Fast forward two more years. It is Christmas time, and I have tried to contact several doctors for the past week to say that I have mastitis and a clogged milk duct and need treatment, but no doctor can see me because of the holiday schedule. So on Christmas Eve, I have to go to the ER to get the abscess surgically drained. But Christmas Eve dinner is being served at my house and my husband is there at home with three young kids while I am in the ER all afternoon.

I say all this to say that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for your supper hour to be crazy and unconnected with your husband and kids during this season. There was one time that I actually took my plate to my bedroom and ate alone, leaving my husband to deal with all the kids at the dinner table because I could not handle being in the dining room one more minute. I will never forget a period of two years when my husband was in charge of a big work project that kept him in the office until 7 or 8 pm most days, so I was eating dinner alone with my kids every night. I was filled with anxiety every evening, especially during supper. You can ask my husband--he would get crazy, mean texts and phone calls from me every night starting around 6 pm.

It has always helped if I can accept my circumstances instead of resisting them. This is not easy, and it is a daily battle, but God can give us His perspective. Whatever your situation is and however difficult your dinner times are, Jesus is sitting there with you at your table. You may feel Him or you may not. But He is there, and He loves you. He loves your babies. He loves your husband. He is interceding for your marriage and your family. He is carrying you through the sleepless nights and the screaming hours. He is empowering you to pray for your husband and your kids. God has made you a mom for such a time as this. This is your season to be Queen Esther and to fulfill His special calling for you as a young mom of these precious babies. It takes courage to cook the meal that your kids may not eat. It takes courage to try to sit down at the table and have a conversation. It takes courage to teach your kids to fold their hands and thank God for the food. It takes courage to set your phone down and actually look at your family.

Supper time may not be the time of day when you can enjoy your family very much. But find a time each day to enjoy them. Sit outside on the porch and watch the older kids play while holding the baby. Or hang out in the back yard with your kids after school. Or take a few extra minutes to sing Bible songs to your babies before tucking them in. Despite the frustrations of the day, your kids will likely remember those sweet moments when they had your undivided attention, even for five or ten minutes.

As far as connecting with your husband, just get a babysitter every so often. Try to chat after the kids are in bed. Don't have too high expectations--just be realistic. And keep trying to make dinner a family affair. Soon all the kids will be out of their high chairs, and your dinner conversations will start with, "what did you do at school today?"

Move; Keep Walking

Photo: Ruben A. Navarrete

One of my favorite songs the past few years is "Move--Keep Walking," by Toby Mac. It inspired me and encouraged me during difficult times. God never leaves us alone, even if we may feel alone or discouraged with what we are facing in life. Like a soldier, we have to keep walking and keep fighting. This song came to mind again tonight because the words "keep walking" were repeated in the book I am reading called "Glory Days," by Max Lucado. Chapter 8 of this book is entitled "Walk Circles Around Jericho."

When Joshua was leading the Israelites into the Promised Land, their first obstacle was Jericho--a large, walled city. "Your Jericho is your fear...your anger, bitterness, or prejudice. Your insecurity about the future. Your guilt about the past. Your negativity, anxiety, and proclivity to criticize, overanalyze, or compartmentalize. Your Jericho is any attitude or mind-set that keeps you from joy, peace, or rest" (Glory Days. p 84).

"Just as Jericho was a stronghold in Canaan, we have strongholds in our lives...the stronghold of guilt...resentment...self-pity...pride...rejection...defeat...performance...appearance...materialism...But we don't have to be among them. Our weapons are from God and have divine power to demolish strongholds (2 Cor 10:4)" (Glory Days. p 86-87).

God did not give them victory by traditional means of trying to break through the walls, doors, or climbing over the walls. Instead, God called the soldiers to march around the city with the ark of the covenant in the middle of them. Each of us is in a spiritual battle, and God is calling us to march around the stronghold with His all-powerful presence in the center of our lives. "We employ every tool God offers: hymns, songs, communion, Scripture memorization, and petition. We turn off the TV and open the Bible more" (Glory Days. p 88).

"Keep walking. For all you know this may be the day the walls come down" (Glory Days. p 90). They walked around Jericho once a day for six days. But "on the seventh day...they marched around the city seven times...And the seventh time it happened, when the priests blew the trumpets, that Joshua said to the people: 'Shout, for the LORD has give you the city!'...when the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat. Then the people...took the city" (Joshua 6:15-16, 20).

Keep walking. Keep moving. Keep believing. Because God has promised you victory!

Moms, Give Yourselves Grace

If you are like me, you may look back on one of your not-so-perfect mommy days and be tempted to feel discouraged. You may think about the times you yelled at your kids or the patience you failed to show or the time you spent cleaning instead of playing with them, etc. But instead of being discouraged, which the enemy wants, be encouraged in your spirit by the Holy Spirit of God! Don't focus only on what you did wrong. God forgives you, so forgive yourself! God constantly shows you grace, so who are you to withhold grace from yourself as a mom? No mom is perfect--no matter what her social media displays.

Tomorrow is a new day, and God's mercy is new every morning! So look back on today and see what you can learn from your mistakes. Pray over those things and ask God to help you to improve tomorrow. God loves to answer prayers according to His will, and it is His will for you to be an awesome mother to the children He has entrusted to you. He did not give you this family so that you would just keep messing up the same way every day. He is using this time and season in your life to make you more like Jesus. Jesus was always perfectly patient. He always welcomed the little children. 

You may be trying to do too much, even within your household. For example, don't ask me why, but I decided to make pizza from scratch today. It was fast-rising yeast, so it was not supposed to take long... but several hours later, the pizza looked and smelled divine. It tasted good, but did my kids care that it was homemade? NOPE! Would they have been just as happy with Little Caesar's? YEP! Would they have preferred me to spend the afternoon playing hide-and-seek with them instead of cooking and cleaning and hollering? NO BRAINER!

Give yourself grace! You had good intentions. Everything you do (or 99% of what you do) is for your family. They are why you try to look good, cook well, maintain order in your home, stay organized, etc.  Because of your good intentions and your perfectionism, you try to be Martha Stewart and Jillian Michaels and Rachel Ray all at the same time. Your family may not tell you that they appreciate your dinners and how you ensure they never run out of clean socks and how you drive them all over town for soccer/ballet/piano/Boy Scouts/birthday parties and how you save enough money to take them on vacation and how you lose sleep to keep your home running smoothly. But you still do it every day, hoping for but not expecting a "thank you." Look at everything you do for everyone in your life except yourself, and give yourself a pat on the back and a big dose of GRACE when you mess up. God sees all that you do, and if you are doing it for Him, He will bless and reward you.