Dinner Time with Little Kids

Dinner time is one of the three most stressful times of the day for moms, alongside morning routines and bedtime routines. We as moms have high expectations that we will all sit down at the dinner table at 6:00 pm, including mommy, daddy, and all our little angels. Mommy and daddy will talk about their days and the kids will eat their food quietly and happily. Newborns won't be crying or hungry, toddlers will not make a mess, older kids will not whine or complain or scream or chant or sing or tease each other. It will be a perfectly happy, 45-minute, family-connecting moment, in which we all feel relaxed and can share openly about what we missed in each other's lives for the past twelve hours.

The problem is this never happens when you sit down for dinner with young children. If it does for you, then please stop reading this post immediately in fear of learning that the real world does not look like your world. The day I arrived home from the hospital with my first newborn baby, it was dinner time and the food was ready. The baby was sleeping in the pack n play, and I planned to nurse him after dinner. Literally the moment I sat at the table, my newborn woke up and started crying. That is when I realized that my dinner times would never be the same again. 

Fast forward two years. I have a toddler and a newborn. The toddler is picky and refuses to eat all meat, cooked vegetables, and side dishes. So most of supper is a battle with a 2-year-old to try to get him to try something...anything! Fast forward two more years. It is Christmas time, and I have tried to contact several doctors for the past week to say that I have mastitis and a clogged milk duct and need treatment, but no doctor can see me because of the holiday schedule. So on Christmas Eve, I have to go to the ER to get the abscess surgically drained. But Christmas Eve dinner is being served at my house and my husband is there at home with three young kids while I am in the ER all afternoon.

I say all this to say that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for your supper hour to be crazy and unconnected with your husband and kids during this season. There was one time that I actually took my plate to my bedroom and ate alone, leaving my husband to deal with all the kids at the dinner table because I could not handle being in the dining room one more minute. I will never forget a period of two years when my husband was in charge of a big work project that kept him in the office until 7 or 8 pm most days, so I was eating dinner alone with my kids every night. I was filled with anxiety every evening, especially during supper. You can ask my husband--he would get crazy, mean texts and phone calls from me every night starting around 6 pm.

It has always helped if I can accept my circumstances instead of resisting them. This is not easy, and it is a daily battle, but God can give us His perspective. Whatever your situation is and however difficult your dinner times are, Jesus is sitting there with you at your table. You may feel Him or you may not. But He is there, and He loves you. He loves your babies. He loves your husband. He is interceding for your marriage and your family. He is carrying you through the sleepless nights and the screaming hours. He is empowering you to pray for your husband and your kids. God has made you a mom for such a time as this. This is your season to be Queen Esther and to fulfill His special calling for you as a young mom of these precious babies. It takes courage to cook the meal that your kids may not eat. It takes courage to try to sit down at the table and have a conversation. It takes courage to teach your kids to fold their hands and thank God for the food. It takes courage to set your phone down and actually look at your family.

Supper time may not be the time of day when you can enjoy your family very much. But find a time each day to enjoy them. Sit outside on the porch and watch the older kids play while holding the baby. Or hang out in the back yard with your kids after school. Or take a few extra minutes to sing Bible songs to your babies before tucking them in. Despite the frustrations of the day, your kids will likely remember those sweet moments when they had your undivided attention, even for five or ten minutes.

As far as connecting with your husband, just get a babysitter every so often. Try to chat after the kids are in bed. Don't have too high expectations--just be realistic. And keep trying to make dinner a family affair. Soon all the kids will be out of their high chairs, and your dinner conversations will start with, "what did you do at school today?"

Mommy is tired

What a loooong day! If you are a parent of young kids, you know what that means. It means it is 10 pm, and your kids are still awake. Or it means it is 6 am, and your baby just fell asleep for the first time all night. It means you have not sat down all day--literally--since you woke up at 5 am. It means you are so tired, you don't even know how to rest. You are tired. You are tired of your kids. You are tired of your job. You are tired of everything at this moment. You are tired because you need sleep but you also need emotional support...somehow...somewhere.

So where do you turn at 9, 10 or 11 pm, when you finally get a brief moment to be you again? Social Media?...I don't recommend it. It's more depressing than supportive. TV?...maybe, if you have a favorite show or channel that makes you laugh and relax and chill. But keep in mind that TV and all media feed you ideas that may not be helpful during this time of sheer exhaustion. For example, you are not pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough, successful enough, lucky enough, happy enough, a good enough mom, etc. Your best friend?...Yes. She knows you. She understands how you feel. She will laugh...and cry...with you. Your husband?...Yes. But he is likely distracted. Sorry guys, but it's true. Don't hate me for saying it. And he is tired too, of course! So 11:00 at night may not be the best time to start a convo with your hubby about the one hundred broken pieces of your heart.

The Lord gave me one verse tonight. Psalm 130:5: "I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope." So it was pretty clear that God wants me to wait for Him. Wait on the Lord. Be in His Word, and hope in His Word. Focus on Him...not myself and my circumstances. But if I am waiting on God and hoping in God, that means I am not alone! We constantly feel alone and lonely in this world, even at times when we are surrounded by crowds of people. But God has promised He never leaves us alone. So if we feel alone, it is likely because we are not looking to God to fulfill His promises to us. If we do what this verse says and wait for God, then we don't need to wait for anything else or anyone else! That is good news because aren't you tired of being disappointed by things and people in your life?!! God is the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you.

So in your fatigue and stress and chaos and irritation, at the end of the day (or night), say a prayer of waiting. I wait for you, Lord. I hope in your Word. You alone are my hope.

Mom Says "I Need A Break!"

Photo: Liz Navarrete

As a mom, you may have thought this, but have you ever said it out loud? And who did you say it to?--your best friend or your co-worker or your parents or your spouse? If God needed a day of rest after six days of work, and He tells us to take a day of rest every week, then clearly He knows that you need a break at times from everything, including a few moments away from the kids.

Thanksgiving may not be the easiest time to get your break because your work load at home has increased significantly this week. Your kids are off school, so you have to figure out how to keep them entertained. You have people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner, so you have to clean, cook, and then clean some more. You have to do some shopping on black Friday in order to save a couple of bucks. You have a whirlwind of activities planned the next month until Christmas. So, no--it may not be the best time to get a little break.

But at least think about what type of break you need and plan it for...maybe January? Is it selfish to get away for an hour or an evening? No! It it loving because it should refresh you. And if you are refreshed, then you will be better equipped to continue loving and serving your family (and hopefully be less grumpy)!

Most importantly, what do you need during your time away? Sleep? Social time? Pampering? A meal you did not have to cook? A favorite book? A blank canvas? A long run? Whatever you need during this time, I encourage you to spend some time with Jesus. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? (Matthew 6:25). "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken" (Psalm 55:22). "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). "Those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weary" (Isaiah 40:31).

Overwhelmed, Overbooked, and Stressed Out

Photo: Liz Navarrete

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Do you ever feel desperate? Do you ever wonder how in the world you will be everything you need to be for everyone in your life?

I have recently been learning that sometimes I need to say no. This goes against my natural personality of wanting to please people, wanting to serve God, wanting to help others, and wanting to stay busy. But every time I say yes, I am likely sacrificing something. That's fine if it means sacrificing something insignificant in order to do great work for God's Kingdom. But often, I sacrifice truly important Kingdom work within my own marriage and family in order to do tasks that I often say yes to.

Moms tend to overbook and neglect themselves. We don't give ourselves a Sabbath day of rest every week or even every month. So it is no wonder that we snap at the kids or our husbands...again. We are constantly stressed out, but do we have to be? We are in charge of the social calendar, so why did we book ourselves to go to three different birthday parties on the same day? Or why can't we just stay home on Friday or Saturday night instead of going here and there and all over the city?!! Or why did we sign each of our kids up for so many extracurricular activities?

My husband wisely advises me to keep it simple. Don't overcommit. If you volunteer to do something, make sure it will not stress you out. What benefit is it to do fun activities if you are screaming at your kids to "hurry up and get in the car! We're going to be late!" Similarly, does "serving God" come at the price of compromising your own testimony in front of your children?
What happened to the "gentle and quiet spirit" the Bible talks about in 1 Peter 3:4?

If you are like me and have found yourself overwhelmed again with the weight of the tears of your little world in your ears, join me in claiming this theme verse today: "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2 Corinthians 12:8-9).

After A Long Day

Photo: R. Navarrete

You woke up this morning with high hopes for a super parenting day! You prayed for your children while you got yourself looking as professional as possible in the five minutes you allotted yourself for grooming. You told yourself that you would be calm all day and keep your cool no matter what would happen in the next sixteen hours. You lovingly (but quickly) toasted their bread for bologna sandwiches in their lunch boxes and even wrapped them in extra paper towels so as not to dry out! You hurried out the door just in time to get the kids to school at 7:39 and to barely make it into the office at 7:59.

By mid-afternoon, things were going smoothly for you as a super parent! Your kids were home safely from school, and you were all laughing together and playing Marco Polo on the trampoline. You had to sneak back inside, which gave you a few moments to read your devotional for the day before naptime for the baby would be over.

But then your strong-willed child starts being disobedient to everything you say, and you realize it is 5:00. And the dark hours have begun (cue the Darth Vader theme song). In reality it's just one or two hours before Daddy comes home and a few hours before your angels in disguise will become sleeping angels. But during this hour, minutes feel like days. Did you text your husband already? Or is it too early to see when he is coming home?

While a few of the kids are in their rooms because they can't seem to get along, you run downstairs to fix a simple supper: home fries, garden salad, and butterfly shrimp (special request from your 7-year-old). You don't really have to cook anything--just prep it and throw it in the oven and wait. Meanwhile, chop your veggies and toss them in the salad bowls. Oh--and grill some more veggies to add to your salad because you only eat salads these days... The home fries look and smell amazing, but once they are done and you start taste testing them, they clearly are way too spicy for any kid to eat. You must have over-poured your Cajun seasoned salt.

For the third time, you try to round up the cattle because it is suppertime! The shrimp and salad go over well, but the potatoes remain untouched. No worries--your kids are full and happy and off to the trampoline again! While you try to clean up the kitchen, your son keeps motioning from outside for you to come and see something. By the time you make it out there, all the kids are off the trampoline and walking around the patio where the light fixture just broke by an accidental flying futbol. There is glass everywhere! The kids cry when you put them inside, but you have to clean up the glass before someone gets cut, right?

As soon as the glass is cleaned up, you go inside and your oldest tells you that the girls are putting stuff down the bathroom sink drain. Didn't you just tell them before supper that they cannot give baths to all their baby dolls in the bathroom sink? You hurry upstairs to find the remains of a toilet paper roll stuffed into the bathroom sink drain. Water is everywhere. Towels are everywhere. Wash cloths are everywhere. Wet unicorns and bears are everywhere. How did the kids even reach the wash cloths in the linen closet? What do you do? Put everyone in a separate room so you can focus on removing the cardboard from the drain and drying out the electronics from your baby's favorite stuffed bear that sings her to sleep at night.

Once your babies are in bed, you sit down for the first time all day and check your Fit Bit: 15,000 steps. The verse that comes to mind is: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). Everything you do for and with your kids may go unnoticed and unappreciated for a time, but God sees all that you do, and He rewards and blesses you for it. Do not give up, but keep planting those seeds in your children. Someday you will reap the harvest!