Dinner Time with Little Kids

Dinner time is one of the three most stressful times of the day for moms, alongside morning routines and bedtime routines. We as moms have high expectations that we will all sit down at the dinner table at 6:00 pm, including mommy, daddy, and all our little angels. Mommy and daddy will talk about their days and the kids will eat their food quietly and happily. Newborns won't be crying or hungry, toddlers will not make a mess, older kids will not whine or complain or scream or chant or sing or tease each other. It will be a perfectly happy, 45-minute, family-connecting moment, in which we all feel relaxed and can share openly about what we missed in each other's lives for the past twelve hours.

The problem is this never happens when you sit down for dinner with young children. If it does for you, then please stop reading this post immediately in fear of learning that the real world does not look like your world. The day I arrived home from the hospital with my first newborn baby, it was dinner time and the food was ready. The baby was sleeping in the pack n play, and I planned to nurse him after dinner. Literally the moment I sat at the table, my newborn woke up and started crying. That is when I realized that my dinner times would never be the same again. 

Fast forward two years. I have a toddler and a newborn. The toddler is picky and refuses to eat all meat, cooked vegetables, and side dishes. So most of supper is a battle with a 2-year-old to try to get him to try something...anything! Fast forward two more years. It is Christmas time, and I have tried to contact several doctors for the past week to say that I have mastitis and a clogged milk duct and need treatment, but no doctor can see me because of the holiday schedule. So on Christmas Eve, I have to go to the ER to get the abscess surgically drained. But Christmas Eve dinner is being served at my house and my husband is there at home with three young kids while I am in the ER all afternoon.

I say all this to say that it is perfectly normal and acceptable for your supper hour to be crazy and unconnected with your husband and kids during this season. There was one time that I actually took my plate to my bedroom and ate alone, leaving my husband to deal with all the kids at the dinner table because I could not handle being in the dining room one more minute. I will never forget a period of two years when my husband was in charge of a big work project that kept him in the office until 7 or 8 pm most days, so I was eating dinner alone with my kids every night. I was filled with anxiety every evening, especially during supper. You can ask my husband--he would get crazy, mean texts and phone calls from me every night starting around 6 pm.

It has always helped if I can accept my circumstances instead of resisting them. This is not easy, and it is a daily battle, but God can give us His perspective. Whatever your situation is and however difficult your dinner times are, Jesus is sitting there with you at your table. You may feel Him or you may not. But He is there, and He loves you. He loves your babies. He loves your husband. He is interceding for your marriage and your family. He is carrying you through the sleepless nights and the screaming hours. He is empowering you to pray for your husband and your kids. God has made you a mom for such a time as this. This is your season to be Queen Esther and to fulfill His special calling for you as a young mom of these precious babies. It takes courage to cook the meal that your kids may not eat. It takes courage to try to sit down at the table and have a conversation. It takes courage to teach your kids to fold their hands and thank God for the food. It takes courage to set your phone down and actually look at your family.

Supper time may not be the time of day when you can enjoy your family very much. But find a time each day to enjoy them. Sit outside on the porch and watch the older kids play while holding the baby. Or hang out in the back yard with your kids after school. Or take a few extra minutes to sing Bible songs to your babies before tucking them in. Despite the frustrations of the day, your kids will likely remember those sweet moments when they had your undivided attention, even for five or ten minutes.

As far as connecting with your husband, just get a babysitter every so often. Try to chat after the kids are in bed. Don't have too high expectations--just be realistic. And keep trying to make dinner a family affair. Soon all the kids will be out of their high chairs, and your dinner conversations will start with, "what did you do at school today?"

What it Takes to Lead

Leadership is hard, whether you are leading your children or a large group of employees. Over the years, I have learned some life lessons about leadership, even from a young age.

1. Leaders are lonely. It does not mean they feel sad and lonely and depressed. It just means that they are not afraid to stand alone in order to lead. And the fact that they are willing to do so gives other interested people the opportunity to follow.

2. Leaders have a large comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with followers; leaders need people that will follow them. But while followers are content in their comfort zone, leaders always feel an urge to go beyond.

3. Leaders have a calling to be different. When you are in a crowd, and you are talking to your small group of friends, do you ever feel led to reach out beyond your clique? If so, you may be a leader...or maybe just an evangelist.

4. Leaders are weird. Accept it. You are not like everyone else, and that is ok! Actually, that is a very good quality that enables you to lead.

5. Leaders have to be courageous. It takes guts to tell someone to follow you. You had better be confident in what you are doing and telling them to do. But even if you are not a natural leader, you are gifted at something specific and will have chances to share that with others.



My leadership training began in middle school when I was very shy and introverted. If I didn't have a friend nearby, I would just sit by myself and wonder why no one talked to me. That is not leadership, by the way! But as I studied the Bible, God showed me that He wanted me to reach out to other people and stop focusing on myself. Hence, He showed me how to start leading. My whole mindset changed when I was in an unfamiliar environment. Instead of staying to myself, I would just find someone and start talking with them.

That opened up doors for me to be a mentor to younger girls. So in high school, I mentored middle schoolers. In college, I mentored high schoolers. In graduate school, I led Bible studies. In high school and college, I went on mission trips. As newlyweds, my husband and I were youth leaders and music leaders at church. If I was ever in a new environment, I would just look for who I should reach out to and start a conversation. Some people are extremely shy and almost afraid to talk, but once you take the time and show that you care enough to listen, they usually open up.

Right now I have the responsibility of leading my five, young children. All moms have this responsibility, and we can do a great job at it whether we are natural leaders or followers. Either way, our kids are going to learn from us and likely become like us. So we at least need to try to lead them well. As moms, we need to be leaders that practice what we preach. Our kids may learn more from watching us than what we tell them or try to teach them.

Don't be afraid to lead. If God is calling you to do something new, He has a reason for placing that in your heart. Don't compare yourself or second guess yourself. Maybe God wants you to write cards to orphans or serve a meal to the homeless or start a ministry or grow your business or have another baby. God will empower you to fulfill what He has called you to do.

"Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him" (Hebrews 13:20-21).