Kids Acting Up in Public

Photo by Mary Decrescenzio

When you go out in public and your kids won't listen and are acting up, what do you do to get them to stop?

First, there is no easy answer to this question because as parents, we all go through times like this. My most recent example is when I take 2-3 kids to the grocery store (today I took my younger 3 to Publix to buy my groceries for the week). The whole way to the store, I review my grocery store rules with them. 3 simple rules: 1. Do not scream. 2. Do not make anyone scream.  3. Do not ask me for anything. They repeat the rules to me several times so that I can make sure they know them very well. And throughout the store, they repeat them, especially any that they are forgetting to keep. I gave them each one tic tac when we got there as a motivator to follow the rules in order to earn another one at the end of the shopping trip. I try to keep those trips as short as possible. If I need extra things or I have to really check labels or order something that will take too much time, I plan those for another time without the kids or without as many of them.

There are times when even the well-behaved, compliant children are difficult and defiant. That is obviously because we are all sinners. Our kids aren't any worse sinners than we adults are. We all make mistakes and we all need parenting. Our kids get it from us, and we adults get it from our Heavenly Father, if we seek Him and take the time to receive and learn from the discipline He gives us. So when the kids are being difficult, do they need more rules or more grace? It depends on the situation. It is ok to say no to some activities that you or your kids want to do because of the season of life you are in. I regularly have to say no to women's ministry events at church on weeknights because getting home late puts way too much stress on my life and therefore on my kids' lives as well. Or socially, I rarely go out alone with friends because I have prioritized my marriage and family.

Practically speaking, if I know I don't have enough money to take the kids to the zoo or the fair or Carowinds, etc, I don't take them. I only plan outings and trips if I can afford to enjoy them, including buying the kids an ice cream or slush, etc. That is part of the fun of going places--to be able to buy some fun foods or a toy while being there. All kids will get upset if they are out somewhere fun and they see everyone else enjoying cotton candy or a glow stick or a balloon or a fidget spinner and mom/dad keep saying they can't buy anything. In that case, I would more likely keep my kids at home or do something we can afford that is low-cost like getting a Frosty from Wendy's or a play date at Chick-Fil-A or going to the park or library. There are times we have even left the library because they would not stay quiet or be obedient. I am not afraid to change my plans based on their bad behavior unless it is a plan that is impossible to change.

There are times when I have changed my mind about going somewhere fun with the kids because they were acting up in the car. I don't make threats that I fail to carry out. If I say: "if you scream one more time, we will not go to Chick-Fil-A," then if they keep screaming, I turn around and drive home and explain why. I have left Hobby Lobby and driven all the way home with one of my kids and left them at home with my husband and then returned to Hobby Lobby alone to continue my shopping trip. And there are times when I took the child to the bathroom to give a spanking or a timeout.

Discipline takes a lot of time and work. We cannot expect our kids to parent themselves. They are our children, given to us by God, and God wants us to take the time to actually parent them--not to just put a phone or tablet in front of their faces. I am very guilty of getting frustrated with my kids when they seem to need so much from me or when I have to take extra time to correct them. But that is my job as their mom! It is the highest calling of my life. Every moment we spend investing in our kids is living for the Kingdom of God! God wants us to raise our kids to know Him and to love Him, and that means we have to be investing time in disciplining and correcting and loving our little ones.

The bottom line of disciplining our kids is not a list of rules. It is showing them the heart of God and the grace of God. Rules and punishment do not create compliant kids. And enforcing rules and punishments does not create a pleasant parent either. After I have to discipline one of my kids, I try to take the time to talk through what happened and why. I may have to wait until we all calm down, but then I give hugs and explain that we all are sinners and we all need God's help and God's forgiveness and God's grace. God loves our kids. And we love them. That is why we discipline them. We need to be patient with them like God is patient with us. I am not naturally patient, and I do not have this figured out, but with God's help, we can all improve.

Diary of a Moody Mom

Photo: R. Navarrete

Why am I so moody? Before I became a mom, I was normal—at least I felt normal. I got sleep, for one thing. I actually talked to my husband during dinner.  I read books! I had hobbies. I walked the dog…every day…or twice a day. I had time to watch American Idol…live at 8:00. So what happened in the past 9 years?

Baby Number One

It all started with one baby. It was pretty manageable except it took me 30 minutes to load up the car with the baby, diaper bag, two bottles, pack n play, stroller, seat cover for the grocery cart, extra pacifiers, favorite toys, and actually the entire kitchen.  My first baby got my attention…ALL my attention. I wanted to give it to him, and I had the time to give it. He was my world. If I needed a shower, he was in the bouncer chair in my bathroom. If I needed to cook, he was in the high chair with me in the kitchen. If I needed to spend the day going broke in Target, Kohl's, and Hobby Lobby, he was there in the shopping cart, munching on goldfish or playing with the 5 new toys that my husband had bought for him in the past 5 days…because how can you stop in Walgreen's and not buy a toy for your new baby?!!

I mean—I was not that moody back then. I was a little obsessed with bragging about my baby and reading baby books and taking baby pictures and making baby scrapbooks and painting nursery art and making keepsakes of every first in his life, but I was still normal—at least I still felt like me.  I see why some people stop at one. Life is still pretty normal with one child. You can still go out to eat. You can still talk at dinner with minimal interruptions. You can still shop and go on trips and pretty much do everything you used to do. It takes a bit longer to load up, but with careful planning as all first-time moms do, you can still get to church on time and make it to all your friends' kids' first birthday parties. You can still go on vacation because the baby can sleep in a crib in the hotel room, and you have not spent all your vacation funds on field trips and new kids' clothes and new kids' shoes and piano lessons.

To be continued...

Breaking the Sugar Addiction

I have a sweet tooth. I love sugar and anything with sugar--especially chocolate...and ice cream..and chocolate ice cream with chocolate candy stirred in and chocolate syrup on top. So it has not been natural or easy for me to give up sugar. Normally, I try not to keep it in the house because I will eat it all before anyone else gets a chance. But if it is ever nearby, I always indulge.

Recently, after several months of gaining a few pounds and my pants fitting too snug, I decided to give up sweets. It is Halloween week, but as of 9 days ago, I have eaten no candy, brownies, ice cream, or even granola bars. This is something I have never done before or even attempted. But with God's supernatural help, I have succeeded so far. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13). It has been especially difficult because my husband's birthday was last week, so I made him brownies, and we had a Trunk or Treat at church, so our house is full of candy--even the good stuff like Snickers and Almond Joy.

The physical results so far have been better than I expected! I have lost a total of 3 pounds and almost one inch. Overall, I have not felt too tempted by the brownies and candy that are still in my house, thanks to me not gobbling them up in one day. Grumpiness has not been more of a factor than usual, which is a surprise considering the chocolate withdrawal. I would not say I have more energy but maybe less, but possibly that is related to an increase of seasonal allergies and a sore throat. One of my physical motivators is curiosity to see what the results will be if I stick to it for a month or two or longer.

The greatest emotional benefit has been feeling free. Usually I felt I could not resist eating sweets and I would eat more and more whenever it was available. But now, even though it looks good, it feels better to know that the decision is already made that I will not have it. And that leads to me not having my brain telling me how it tasted good and how I need a second, third, or tenth Hershey's Kiss. Instead, I have munched on salty snacks, which I rarely overeat because I really don't like them nearly as much as sugar. And for breakfasts, instead of two granola bars, I am eating 2 egg whites and a piece of fruit.

Spiritually, giving up sweets has given me the necessity to pray more, trust God more, rely on His help, and practice self-control. "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). I pray that learning self-control in one area of life will carry over to others as well. Please feel free to join me on this journey, as it is easier with accountability!

Peace at Home: Is It Possible?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

"My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest" (Isaiah 32:18). When the Lord gave me this verse the other night, it was obviously what I needed because I have not been feeling very peaceful lately. If you are a busy mom like me, you understand that peace on earth through the coming of Christ is far from your current December calendar, which has left little room for peaceful anything. And the more you have on your calendar, the more stressed you get. And the more stressed you get, the more irritable you become. And the more irritable you become, the more you yell at your kids and maybe even at your husband. Sometimes you wonder is peace possible in my home and within my heart? If I'm not at peace within my heart, then how can I exude peacefulness in my home and family?

Peace is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. So since I am filled with the Holy Spirit, then there should be some peaceful fruit in my life. As I thought about the Scripture from Isaiah 32:18, it is clear that God gives the peace, the security, and the rest. It is basically a promise: "My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest." The promise comes from God and is kept by God--for those of us who are His people. He gave the promise to His people, and He always keeps His promises to His people! 

He promises to help us live in a peaceful dwelling place. So if I am seeking peace within myself, that is the wrong place to look. And if I am seeking peace from any other human, that is the wrong place to look. And if I am seeking peace from a circumstance, that will also fail to provide the peace I seek. God is the only Source and Provider of a peaceful dwelling place. 

He promises to give us a secure home. This security cannot come from anything/anyone other than God Himself. We as women want security, and we hate our insecurities. But maybe we have been seeking security everywhere else except in the arms of Jesus. No wonder we have been disappointed when all along God keeps calling us to reach out to Him instead of grasping at everything else around us. 

He promises to give us undisturbed places of rest. Doesn't that sound amazing?--undisturbed rest? Obviously we cannot get undisturbed rest apart from God. Even if we are resting, we wrestle with our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We can be honest with God--He can take our raw and honest cries. As long as we hold onto everything, we cannot rest. The only place to find rest is to surrender our worries, illnesses, shortcomings, tragedies, and struggles to our Heavenly Father, who loves us. 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30).

Mommy is tired

What a loooong day! If you are a parent of young kids, you know what that means. It means it is 10 pm, and your kids are still awake. Or it means it is 6 am, and your baby just fell asleep for the first time all night. It means you have not sat down all day--literally--since you woke up at 5 am. It means you are so tired, you don't even know how to rest. You are tired. You are tired of your kids. You are tired of your job. You are tired of everything at this moment. You are tired because you need sleep but you also need emotional support...somehow...somewhere.

So where do you turn at 9, 10 or 11 pm, when you finally get a brief moment to be you again? Social Media?...I don't recommend it. It's more depressing than supportive. TV?...maybe, if you have a favorite show or channel that makes you laugh and relax and chill. But keep in mind that TV and all media feed you ideas that may not be helpful during this time of sheer exhaustion. For example, you are not pretty enough, thin enough, rich enough, successful enough, lucky enough, happy enough, a good enough mom, etc. Your best friend?...Yes. She knows you. She understands how you feel. She will laugh...and cry...with you. Your husband?...Yes. But he is likely distracted. Sorry guys, but it's true. Don't hate me for saying it. And he is tired too, of course! So 11:00 at night may not be the best time to start a convo with your hubby about the one hundred broken pieces of your heart.

The Lord gave me one verse tonight. Psalm 130:5: "I wait for the LORD, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope." So it was pretty clear that God wants me to wait for Him. Wait on the Lord. Be in His Word, and hope in His Word. Focus on Him...not myself and my circumstances. But if I am waiting on God and hoping in God, that means I am not alone! We constantly feel alone and lonely in this world, even at times when we are surrounded by crowds of people. But God has promised He never leaves us alone. So if we feel alone, it is likely because we are not looking to God to fulfill His promises to us. If we do what this verse says and wait for God, then we don't need to wait for anything else or anyone else! That is good news because aren't you tired of being disappointed by things and people in your life?!! God is the only one who will ALWAYS be there for you.

So in your fatigue and stress and chaos and irritation, at the end of the day (or night), say a prayer of waiting. I wait for you, Lord. I hope in your Word. You alone are my hope.

Can I Trust God?

I know that God can be trusted, but do I have the ability to trust Him? In our own power, we tend to quarrel with God about everything--especially the parts of our lives that we don't like. So what does the Bible tell us about what God is doing and about why we should trust Him?

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him" (James 1:12).

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Philippians 1:6).

"Oh, the depths of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways. 'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?' " (Romans 11:33-34).

We can try to power struggle with God, but it won't work. We will not win the argument. And we will not win the fight for control. This is a good thing because God knows everything, and we do not. Think back to the times in your life when you wanted one thing but God gave you something much better!  Not only does He have all knowledge and all power, but He loves us!

Recently, I heard a lady wisely say: "Don't rely on anyone to make you happy. Just you with the Good Lord can make your heart happy. And even if you try to get your happiness from someone, you will be disappointed." So it is more fruitful to trust God than others or even ourselves.

Whining and Grumbling

Do your kids whine and complain? "I'm hungry. Why can't we...? I'm bored. Why do we have to...?" It is natural but terribly annoying. As I recently thought about my annoyance with my kids over their apparent discontent, it was ironic because I was, in turn, whining about their excessive whining. And I was complaining over their complaining too much.

I wonder if God gets tired of our whining and complaining over every little thing. For some reason, I expect my life to be perfect--according to my perfect plan. And if it is not perfect, I get mad or disappointed or frustrated. If my kids are just being kids, I get annoyed that they are too loud or they are teasing each other too much or...they are SCREAMING...AGAIN!

God wants us to be content. This means I should not always wish for a different season in my life or for my kids to grow out of...or for my husband to... or for my boss to... or for traffic to...or for summer to...or for Christmas to... or for the next vacation to.... This list could go on forever, and each time we wish for something different, we miss out on what God has in this time, place and circumstance. God wants to show His power, presence, and grace right now in the pain, joy, loss, or success.

I don't have to keep fighting against every...single...imperfection in my day. I just told my son this: "Don't make everything a battle." Don't fight against having to wake up early to go to school or work. Don't fight against the things God has placed in your life right now. Just accept them as gifts from God. School is a blessing. Appreciate it. Remember that some kids don't have the ability to go to school. Work is a blessing. Appreciate it. Family is a blessing. Appreciate them.

Stop fighting to try and make your life perfect and without mistake. We cannot make our lives perfect because we are imperfect sinners and we live in a fallen, sinful world. But God is perfect, and He is on our side. Jesus completed the work required to give us peace in this imperfect world.

"Day after day, every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God." (Hebrews 10:11-12).