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| Photo: Ruben A. Navarrete |
I get that question a lot because it is pretty unusual these days for families to have five kids. Recently, at a school event, I talked to a mom who has one child, and she said she is unsure if she should have any more. She was concerned that she is in her late twenties, so maybe it is too late or it would be too hard. The next day, I talked to a nurse who has a two-year-old, and she said once he is potty trained, she might be ready to think about having another child. Then today I met someone who is pregnant with her second child, and she asked if I have any advice. I remember asking the same question to moms with lots of kids back when I was a newlywed because the thought of four or five kids in a family sounded crazy to me at the time; actually, it still does! But it does not always feel as crazy as you might think.
Before I give any unsolicited advice, please be assured that I do not have this mom thing figured out. I learn as I go. I make a lot of mistakes, and hopefully I learn from all of them so as not to keep making them in the same way each day or with each child. So here is my list of how we (try to) make it work with so many kids.
1. Pray...a lot. Pray for yourself as a mom. Pray for your kids. Pray for your husband. It can be a simple prayer like "Jesus, help me." Or it can be long and drawn out. I pray in the car a lot. I love to pray with my 4-year-old on the way to her school in the mornings. Ask God for wisdom or strength or encouragement or healing.
2. Read the Bible when possible. The most convenient way for me is to use my Bible app. That way I can always pick up where I left off. And I can read it for a minute or two throughout the day if I have a free moment. I rarely have thirty straight minutes to read or study the Bible, but I can read a chapter here and there. Then I have fresh insight from Jesus to share with my kids and to pray about.
3. Play outside often! Morning, afternoon, evening, anytime! Backyard, front yard, at the park, down the street, at another local park, at a pool. Kids love being outdoors and thrive when they get the opportunity! Just do fun little things that kids like: eat popsicles, jump on trampolines, swing, slide, run, ride bikes and scooters, pick out a bag of candy, play in the dirt, throw a ball. Kids are actually easy to entertain as long as there are enough kids in one place.
4. Teach them obedience. This is one life lesson that needs to be taught at home and needs to start when kids are one and two years old. My kids probably get tired of me saying: "kids who don't learn obedience from their parents become criminals." Obeying your parents is the basis of learning to respect and obey authority, including the authority of God and every lesser authority in our lives, from the police to state laws to teachers to crossing guards, etc. Don't tell your kids to do something that you do not intend for them to do immediately. And follow through on it. Obedience is for their safety and protection. As their authority, you are an umbrella of protection for them, so teach them to come under your umbrella to stay out of danger.
5. Have play dates often. These are just as much for mom's sanity as it is for the kids' entertainment. With a large family, we tend to play more at home than anywhere else, so we invite people over often so the kids can play together. Moms really need social time with other moms, especially if you are extroverted like me, but you will have to be intentional to make this happen because our society has become very private.
6. Limit extracurricular activities. With five kids, it will be impossible for each child to be in a different after school activity in a different place multiple days weekly. So our current rule is: one activity per child per year. There are so many great activities, but how can we parents teach our own kids if they are always on someone else's watch? Your kids are your God-given responsibility. I once heard a babysitter tell me that one mom was constantly calling her to babysit. The babysitter said: "I wonder if she ever even spends time with her own kids!" Prioritize and guard time with your own family, and don't give it all away.
7. Mom needs an outlet. It may be working or jogging or grocery shopping alone or coffee with friends or weekly date nights or doing artwork or a home-based business. Realistically, if you work full-time, you will not have much more time for an outlet, so hopefully your work is an enjoyable outlet for you. If you are home full-time, you will need to plan more time to get out of the house or into your own space for an hour here and there.
