Dealing with Isolation (Part 2)

Photo: Rev. Ruben E. Navarrete

4. Isolation is an opportunity to be satisfied by the presence of God. Difficult circumstances such as loneliness cause us to seek God with great need and desperation. "God says 'I removed the burden from their shoulders; their hands were set free from the basket. In your distress you called and I rescued you, I answered you out of a thundercloud...I am the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it....But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you" (Psalm 81). "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere...For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you" (Psalm 84:10-12). One hymn that reminds me of this is "Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace" (Helen Lemmel). 

5. Isolation is an opportunity to find yourself. You may usually be so busy that you have forgotten who you are. What are your personal interests? Now that you have some time to yourself, explore the things you enjoy and are good at. Explore the things you used to do before having kids. Is there a hobby you love that you have not done in years? Or is there a hobby you would like to start that you never had time for? Someday, when you retire, how do you plan to spend your free time? I would encourage you to turn off the TV and internet for a few minutes and choose an activity that is creative, productive, helpful, and pursue that! There are so many fulfilling hobbies out there and many of them you can do alone at home or with your kids. I am so appreciative of ladies that have made blankets/quilts for our babies, cross-stitched decorations on towels for us, or baked us cookies, brought us meals, etc. Find a hobby that uses your talents to serve others.

6. Isolation is an opportunity to reach out. Sometimes we need to reach out for help; other times we need to reach out to help someone else. You may feel alone, but you likely have friends, sisters, church members, neighbors, acquaintances that are facing similar struggles. Make that phone call if you are sitting at home alone, feeling depressed. Don't isolate yourself more than you already are. Create opportunities to get out of the house; go for a walk or chat with a neighbor. In my experience, time on social media does not really help in this area. For example, I feel more isolated after scrolling facebook for an hour. But after a phone call with an old friend, I always feel encouraged. Give people the opportunity to help and serve you. Most friends and family are willing and eager to help if they know how. And asking for help may be a way to strengthen that relationship. Don't stress yourself out trying to volunteer or serve if you aren't able, but there may be something you can do from home to show God's love to others. It is very important to spend time with women that you can relate to, but you will have to be intentional about making that happen. Don't wait for someone to call and invite you. When you feel isolated, you often lose motivation because you feel like no one cares and no one understands. But those things are simply not true. So plan some activities outside your home if possible. It may be as simple as a play date for your kids or a cup of coffee with a friend. Out of my own experience, I can say that it will make you feel less isolated.

Why Stop at 1 or 2 Kids?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

Most American families have only 1-2 kids nowadays. Once people find out I am pregnant with Baby #5, I hear comments such as:

-Why so many kids?

-Are you Catholic? Or Mormon?

-Don't you know how this happens?

-Are you done yet?

-Boy, your hands are really full.

-Wow! I could never handle that.

I have heard comments like these since I was pregnant with my third child, as if there is something wrong with having more than 1-2 children. So why have a large family?

1. We were unable to get pregnant the first time and tried for about a year and a half. During that time we prayed that God would bless us with children. And now, 8 years later, I am about to have a fifth baby.

2. Children are a blessing from God. The Bible says: 

"Be fruitful and multiply." (Genesis 1:28). 

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:4-5). 

"Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18:3). 

"Jesus said, let the little children come unto me and do not hinder them." (Matthew 19:14). 

"You created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:13-14).

3. Life with many children is adventurous and rewarding. You never know what fun each day may bring. For example, today we made popcorn and hot cocoa, played Dominoes, watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs," and ate pizza for supper. And now, at 10 pm, my 4-year-old is still wide awake in her bed. One of my kids has missed her first week of school after Christmas break because she has had a fever for 5 days. My 20-month-old now sings "Jesus Loves Me" in English and Spanish with me at bedtime. Some days there are 6-8 kids here at our house all playing and entertaining each other.

4. Having a lot of children is a test of character, and it will help to develop patience, selflessness, perseverance, and faith. But is it really harder to raise 3+ kids? Sometimes it is harder with more kids because there is more to do and manage. But the more kids there are, the more they play together. And, like the Luvs commercial shows, experienced moms simplify things and streamline processes such as preparing lunches, loading up the car, and adjusting bedtime routines. Believe me, it is quite stressful at times, so I need a lot of prayer, support, encouragement, advice, and help from family. But if I can do it, anyone can. My husband is a patient and laid back person, so he does not get overwhelmed by multiple screaming/crying children at the same time. And while I am not so relaxed, I cope with the difficult moments with a brief "Help me, Lord!" or a bite of chocolate or a quick game of Tetris.

Don't Let the Dog Out and Magic Markers

Cecil Stoughton's White House Photos

It was a low-stress Friday afternoon. On Fridays, I don't have to cook, so I was relaxing and the kids were playing. Then I suggested that Caleb invite the neighbor over to play so he could have more boy time. Little did I know that was the end of my low-stress afternoon.

Before I talk about what happened next, let's divert to the dog. Sam is our faithful, 11-year-old beagle that just underwent surgery last week. He had his spleen removed plus a massive tumor that was over two pounds and larger than a grapefruit. So he has a cone on his head until the incision heals. The vet's instructions are to keep Sam on bed rest.

Back to Friday afternoon: Caleb brought Eric over to play, but while they were entering the front door, the screen door did not quite close, so Sam ran over and tried to squeeze through. I screamed for Caleb and Eric to stop him, but they could not, so I reached for his tail and ended up on my knees in the doorway. Sam ran straight into the street, almost getting hit by a silver Honda, of which the driver stopped afterwards to wave and apologize. He saw me on my knees on the front porch, screaming at the boys for letting Sam out (I am 13 weeks pregnant, by the way). One other thing: at that same moment the boys were walking in, I was calling my husband, so he heard the whole 45 seconds of chaos.

While Sam was roaming the neighborhood with his cone, stitches, and all, I moved the car from the garage to the driveway so the boys could have more space to play in the garage. When I came back into the dining room, I noticed pink circles all over the wall, and Emma was standing there. "When did you do this, Emma?!!!!" "Right now, Mommy."  "What marker did you use, Emma?!!!" "Gaby's magic marker." So of course I made her "clean it up," which is impossible because it is permanent marker. 

After that, 3 more neighbors came to play, Sam came home, Sam ran away again, I cooked pancakes because my husband worked later than expected, we tried to take five kids to the football game, the football game ticket stand did not take debit cards, so we finally ended up with five kids at Krispy Kreme at 8:00 pm. 

Advice for Overwhelmed Moms:

My only advice is if you are an overwhelmed mom, you are not alone. That may or may not help you in the chaotic moments, but later on, when the kids are sleeping, call a friend that also has a large family, and you can laugh (or cry) about it together. We are not meant to face all of this alone. God is with you. Your family and friends are with you. Just reach out and share your story.