Whining and Grumbling

Do your kids whine and complain? "I'm hungry. Why can't we...? I'm bored. Why do we have to...?" It is natural but terribly annoying. As I recently thought about my annoyance with my kids over their apparent discontent, it was ironic because I was, in turn, whining about their excessive whining. And I was complaining over their complaining too much.

I wonder if God gets tired of our whining and complaining over every little thing. For some reason, I expect my life to be perfect--according to my perfect plan. And if it is not perfect, I get mad or disappointed or frustrated. If my kids are just being kids, I get annoyed that they are too loud or they are teasing each other too much or...they are SCREAMING...AGAIN!

God wants us to be content. This means I should not always wish for a different season in my life or for my kids to grow out of...or for my husband to... or for my boss to... or for traffic to...or for summer to...or for Christmas to... or for the next vacation to.... This list could go on forever, and each time we wish for something different, we miss out on what God has in this time, place and circumstance. God wants to show His power, presence, and grace right now in the pain, joy, loss, or success.

I don't have to keep fighting against every...single...imperfection in my day. I just told my son this: "Don't make everything a battle." Don't fight against having to wake up early to go to school or work. Don't fight against the things God has placed in your life right now. Just accept them as gifts from God. School is a blessing. Appreciate it. Remember that some kids don't have the ability to go to school. Work is a blessing. Appreciate it. Family is a blessing. Appreciate them.

Stop fighting to try and make your life perfect and without mistake. We cannot make our lives perfect because we are imperfect sinners and we live in a fallen, sinful world. But God is perfect, and He is on our side. Jesus completed the work required to give us peace in this imperfect world.

"Day after day, every priest stands and performs his religious duties; again and again he offers the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins. But when this priest had offered for all time one sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God." (Hebrews 10:11-12).

Move; Keep Walking

Photo: Ruben A. Navarrete

One of my favorite songs the past few years is "Move--Keep Walking," by Toby Mac. It inspired me and encouraged me during difficult times. God never leaves us alone, even if we may feel alone or discouraged with what we are facing in life. Like a soldier, we have to keep walking and keep fighting. This song came to mind again tonight because the words "keep walking" were repeated in the book I am reading called "Glory Days," by Max Lucado. Chapter 8 of this book is entitled "Walk Circles Around Jericho."

When Joshua was leading the Israelites into the Promised Land, their first obstacle was Jericho--a large, walled city. "Your Jericho is your fear...your anger, bitterness, or prejudice. Your insecurity about the future. Your guilt about the past. Your negativity, anxiety, and proclivity to criticize, overanalyze, or compartmentalize. Your Jericho is any attitude or mind-set that keeps you from joy, peace, or rest" (Glory Days. p 84).

"Just as Jericho was a stronghold in Canaan, we have strongholds in our lives...the stronghold of guilt...resentment...self-pity...pride...rejection...defeat...performance...appearance...materialism...But we don't have to be among them. Our weapons are from God and have divine power to demolish strongholds (2 Cor 10:4)" (Glory Days. p 86-87).

God did not give them victory by traditional means of trying to break through the walls, doors, or climbing over the walls. Instead, God called the soldiers to march around the city with the ark of the covenant in the middle of them. Each of us is in a spiritual battle, and God is calling us to march around the stronghold with His all-powerful presence in the center of our lives. "We employ every tool God offers: hymns, songs, communion, Scripture memorization, and petition. We turn off the TV and open the Bible more" (Glory Days. p 88).

"Keep walking. For all you know this may be the day the walls come down" (Glory Days. p 90). They walked around Jericho once a day for six days. But "on the seventh day...they marched around the city seven times...And the seventh time it happened, when the priests blew the trumpets, that Joshua said to the people: 'Shout, for the LORD has give you the city!'...when the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat. Then the people...took the city" (Joshua 6:15-16, 20).

Keep walking. Keep moving. Keep believing. Because God has promised you victory!

Breastfeeding in Public: North Dakota Chick-Fil-A Incident

Here is my professional mommy opinion on this matter. By the way, I am a professional mommy because I have had five kids in the past eight years, I breastfed all of them for at least 12 months, and I currently have a nursing infant. 

First of all, modesty is important for all parties--for the mom and for everyone else around her. I try to practice modesty, and I am teaching this virtue to my girls. In general, I practice modesty for the benefit of others around me just as much as for my own benefit.

Second, cover-ups are cute and inexpensive. You can find them at any Target, Buy Buy Baby, or Babies R Us. Of course you can find them on Amazon too--like everything else! I have seen several different types of cover-ups and have tried at least two different ones myself, so there are lots of options available. If you don't have an official cover-up, you can easily use a jacket, towel, baby blanket, or even surround yourself with your baby gear such as the car seat and diaper bag. With a cover-up, you can nurse anywhere and hardly anyone will even notice!

Third, you can easily nurse in a private place such as your car or a restroom. I have nursed in many dressing rooms over the years. I found that my babies nurse better when they are in a more quiet and private place. My living room is always full of loud children, so I usually nurse in another room where it is quieter.

Fourth, it is possible to nurse without a cover-up but in a way that will not be noticed by the entire Chick-Fil-A restaurant. Just choose the right spot to sit where you are the least visible and lean forward a little. Find a corner or turn a chair to face the opposite direction. Have your husband sit or stand in a way to provide some shelter from everyone's wandering eyes.

You have the right to nurse your baby anywhere, but life is not all about our rights. Sometimes life is about being considerate of other people. Is it considerate to drink alcohol in front of a recovering alcoholic? Is it considerate to smoke in front of someone who is trying to quit smoking? Is it considerate to tell a mom who has to work that she should be homeschooling her kids?

Do you want to see other people's anatomy? Once your baby is 5 years old, would you want your child to see a grown man scratching himself in public for 5-10 or more minutes? Do you really want your kids to see the plumber's crack? Do you really want your 10-year-old son looking at girls' transparent leggings?!! 

Honestly, breastfeeding in public without covering is kind of selfish if you know that it is making everyone around you uncomfortable. It does not mean that you should be kicked out, but don't be surprised if several families decide to leave because they do not want their dads, brothers, or little boys seeing that. 

Life is not all about appealing to the masses, but let's be real: if one person can do something small to make ten or fifty or a hundred people feel less awkward, then just do it! For example, if your child is screaming in Olive Garden and is disrupting everyone's dinner, it is not necessary to take them to the bathroom until they quit screaming, but wouldn't it be the nice thing to do?!! Think about how one thing you do or don't do affects everyone around you. 

Can You Learn To Be a Good Mom?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

"Have you figured out managing five kids yet?" My co-worker asked me that today, and my response was: "no--I have not figured it out, and I probably never will--I am learning as I go."

On a good mommy day, I am able to sit here and blog about my successes. The fact that I have the time or energy or motivation to write instead of cleaning, cooking, sleeping, or just zoning out is evidence that there are some better days when I am not completely overwhelmed and stressed. Today, for example, has been a relatively uneventful day. Actually, I can't remember yelling at any of the kids today! I even had time to iron, which is always the first chore to get ignored every day among all the other chores that may or may not get done first. After I picked up the kids from school, they played outside, and I spent time by myself making Christmas gifts and cooking supper. Granted, the only way they went outside to play was for me to set a timer for an hour (plus) and say that they had to stay out for that long. It actually worked! And they had fun together!

But more often than not, I feel completely stressed and unable to do it all. The thought of being alone with five kids on those days causes me anxiety because I have no idea what we will do to fill the time and how we all will get along and how I will keep my sanity. The one reason that I can in any way do a decent job at mothering these children is Jesus. Jesus is the One who is the perfect example of self sacrifice and true love for children. It is appropriate to talk about this at Christmas because it is the celebration of when Jesus Christ was born. When Jesus was an adult, he welcomed the little children and said, "let the little children come unto me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these" (Matthew 19:14).

This morning as I was driving my 4-year-old to preschool, we saw a tiny rainbow in a cloud. It reminded me that Jesus gives us hope. He is our hope. But we have to look up in order to see the rainbow and receive the ray of hope to help us through whatever circumstances we are facing. Think about how Noah must have felt during and after the flood. But then God placed a rainbow in the sky as a promise to Noah that He would never destroy the earth by flood again. Are you in the middle of a flood in your current life? Look up to Jesus and receive the hope and peace that only He provides.

Mom Says "I Need A Break!"

Photo: Liz Navarrete

As a mom, you may have thought this, but have you ever said it out loud? And who did you say it to?--your best friend or your co-worker or your parents or your spouse? If God needed a day of rest after six days of work, and He tells us to take a day of rest every week, then clearly He knows that you need a break at times from everything, including a few moments away from the kids.

Thanksgiving may not be the easiest time to get your break because your work load at home has increased significantly this week. Your kids are off school, so you have to figure out how to keep them entertained. You have people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner, so you have to clean, cook, and then clean some more. You have to do some shopping on black Friday in order to save a couple of bucks. You have a whirlwind of activities planned the next month until Christmas. So, no--it may not be the best time to get a little break.

But at least think about what type of break you need and plan it for...maybe January? Is it selfish to get away for an hour or an evening? No! It it loving because it should refresh you. And if you are refreshed, then you will be better equipped to continue loving and serving your family (and hopefully be less grumpy)!

Most importantly, what do you need during your time away? Sleep? Social time? Pampering? A meal you did not have to cook? A favorite book? A blank canvas? A long run? Whatever you need during this time, I encourage you to spend some time with Jesus. "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? (Matthew 6:25). "Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken" (Psalm 55:22). "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). "Those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired. They will walk and not become weary" (Isaiah 40:31).

Is It Possible To Wait Patiently?

Photo: R.A. Navarrete

Are you good at waiting--especially waiting for big things in life like finishing a degree, getting married, having a baby, meeting a grandchild, finding a new job, a special event, overcoming an illness? The uncertainty of waiting has always been a struggle for me, whether it was not knowing when I was going to be engaged or not knowing if/when I would be able to get pregnant or not knowing when the babies would be born or not knowing if/when this house will sell.

Right now, my home situation is uncertain because it is for sale. It could possibly sell this week or a year from now. We are simply waiting. Everything is in limbo, such as where the kids will go to school, who our neighbors will be, how long our commutes to work will be. Understandably, this is a cause of some anxiety, whether or not it is displayed outwardly. I am too busy to think about it all the time, but it is definitely in the back of my mind. What are you currently waiting for? And what should we do while we are waiting?

"Be still and wait on the Lord." -Psalm 37:7

"Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. The Lord knows you need these things...If He knows how to clothe the lilies of the field and feeds the birds of the air, how much more will He take care of you? Are you not more valuable than flowers and birds?" -Matthew 6

"But those who wait on the Lord will rise up on wings like eagles. They will walk and not be weary. They will not grow faint." -Isaiah 40:31

Trust God. God is good. God loves you. He is trustworthy. He is working during this time! "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5-6

"Cast all your anxieties on the LORD, for He cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7).  Pray and talk to Him as often as needed about what you are waiting and hoping for.

"Godliness with contentment is great gain" (1 Timothy 6:6). Be content with whatever situation you are in. God does not put you in a situation of waiting in order to waste that time. There is a purpose in that time, so work for the Lord! Serve Him. Live like today is your last. Enjoy today. Enjoy all the wonderful things you have currently. Learn to be happy with what you have now. If you are not happy now, you will not be happy even when you get what you are waiting for. Contentment is a godly character trait. Work to develop that trait now because waiting is a big part of this life.

Wait on God more than waiting on things or people. God is the only one that will truly satisfy all your needs, wants and longings. He knows what you need. He loves you. He created you with those desires and hopes. You are made in His image. Spend time talking to Him about the things/people/experiences you are waiting for. Draw near to Him during this time. The times of waiting have been the hardest times for me emotionally in my life. I even got depressed during some of these times. But in those low moments, God carried me. He got me out of bed when I wanted to sleep all day. He hugged me when I was sad and lonely. He carried me out of the house in order to "move--keep walking" (Toby Mac).

So let's learn how to wait better! I always tell my kids: "life will be better for you if you learn to cooperate." Maybe God is telling us: "life will be better for you if you learn to cooperate with Me during the times of waiting."

How Do You Handle So Many Kids?

Photo: Ruben A. Navarrete

I get that question a lot because it is pretty unusual these days for families to have five kids. Recently, at a school event, I talked to a mom who has one child, and she said she is unsure if she should have any more. She was concerned that she is in her late twenties, so maybe it is too late or it would be too hard. The next day, I talked to a nurse who has a two-year-old, and she said once he is potty trained, she might be ready to think about having another child. Then today I met someone who is pregnant with her second child, and she asked if I have any advice. I remember asking the same question to moms with lots of kids back when I was a newlywed because the thought of four or five kids in a family sounded crazy to me at the time; actually, it still does! But it does not always feel as crazy as you might think.

Before I give any unsolicited advice, please be assured that I do not have this mom thing figured out. I learn as I go. I make a lot of mistakes, and hopefully I learn from all of them so as not to keep making them in the same way each day or with each child. So here is my list of how we (try to) make it work with so many kids.

1. Pray...a lot. Pray for yourself as a mom. Pray for your kids. Pray for your husband. It can be a simple prayer like "Jesus, help me." Or it can be long and drawn out. I pray in the car a lot. I love to pray with my 4-year-old on the way to her school in the mornings. Ask God for wisdom or strength or encouragement or healing.

2. Read the Bible when possible. The most convenient way for me is to use my Bible app. That way I can always pick up where I left off. And I can read it for a minute or two throughout the day if I have a free moment. I rarely have thirty straight minutes to read or study the Bible, but I can read a chapter here and there. Then I have fresh insight from Jesus to share with my kids and to pray about.

3. Play outside often! Morning, afternoon, evening, anytime! Backyard, front yard, at the park, down the street, at another local park, at a pool. Kids love being outdoors and thrive when they get the opportunity! Just do fun little things that kids like: eat popsicles, jump on trampolines, swing, slide, run, ride bikes and scooters, pick out a bag of candy, play in the dirt, throw a ball. Kids are actually easy to entertain as long as there are enough kids in one place.

4. Teach them obedience. This is one life lesson that needs to be taught at home and needs to start when kids are one and two years old. My kids probably get tired of me saying: "kids who don't learn obedience from their parents become criminals." Obeying your parents is the basis of learning to respect and obey authority, including the authority of God and every lesser authority in our lives, from the police to state laws to teachers to crossing guards, etc. Don't tell your kids to do something that you do not intend for them to do immediately. And follow through on it. Obedience is for their safety and protection. As their authority, you are an umbrella of protection for them, so teach them to come under your umbrella to stay out of danger.

5. Have play dates often. These are just as much for mom's sanity as it is for the kids' entertainment. With a large family, we tend to play more at home than anywhere else, so we invite people over often so the kids can play together. Moms really need social time with other moms, especially if you are extroverted like me, but you will have to be intentional to make this happen because our society has become very private.

6. Limit extracurricular activities. With five kids, it will be impossible for each child to be in a different after school activity in a different place multiple days weekly. So our current rule is: one activity per child per year. There are so many great activities, but how can we parents teach our own kids if they are always on someone else's watch? Your kids are your God-given responsibility. I once heard a babysitter tell me that one mom was constantly calling her to babysit. The babysitter said: "I wonder if she ever even spends time with her own kids!" Prioritize and guard time with your own family, and don't give it all away.

7. Mom needs an outlet. It may be working or jogging or grocery shopping alone or coffee with friends or weekly date nights or doing artwork or a home-based business. Realistically, if you work full-time, you will not have much more time for an outlet, so hopefully your work is an enjoyable outlet for you. If you are home full-time, you will need to plan more time to get out of the house or into your own space for an hour here and there.